Everything Has Changed (and now I can't tell what matters)
by thatsmyverb
Summary: Marauders 6th Year Fic *** James Potter's life is about to change drastically after an attack on Diagon Alley. *** Title from 'Wild Heart' by Bleachers
1. The best people I know are looking out

**Chapter 1**

**The best people I know are looking out for me**

_They threw me a whirlwind,_

_And I spat back the sea._

_I took a battering, _

_But I got thicker skin,_

_And the best people I know are looking out for me._

_**Get Better, Frank Turner**_

It was early August, but the summer heat had carried on to autumn. It wasn't as bad as it had been, meaning that James's t-shirts had stopped sticking to his back and chest as soon as he stepped outside. But it was still warm enough to warrant an ice-cream, which is why he had organised their meet-up at Florean's.

There were several reasons they were meeting up. The most obvious was that they were friends. And while, as Euphemia would point out, they had seen each other not two weeks previous, they were never apart from each other for long; co-dependent, Euphemia would tease with a twinkle in her eye. The second was that their Sixth Year was starting in September and they needed new books for the coming school year. The third was a slightly darker reason; in times like these, when people didn't know who to trust and who they could turn to, it was important to check in on those you cared about.

But James was resolute in his decision to enjoy the day. He loved Diagon Alley, though it had grown significantly worse as the tensions increased, and he was determined to spend a nice day with his friends- well, most of them anyway.

James was determined not to worry, but he knew that when you're around Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, you couldn't _help _but worry. Not only were they particularly mischievous, the former in particular, though that may surprise most people, but they were also both particularly stubborn. Which, James admitted, he was too. But Remus and Sirius were too stubborn to admit when they needed help, no matter how badly they needed it.

Remus and Sirius were already at the ice-cream parlour when James arrived, sipping on glasses of water. He had split from his parents after their visit to Gringotts, his pockets significantly heavier.

"Well, it's about time," Remus said sarcastically, as James entered. Despite the potentially insulting words, he couldn't help but grin.

"Is Wormy coming?" Sirius asked, kicking out the chair that his feet had been resting on.

"Nah. Lucky idiot is on holidays," James replied, dropping into the chair and stretching out his long legs.

"What? Where?" Sirius asked.

"Italy," James replied, picking up the menu.

"That's not fair," Sirius said, pouting. "I never get to go on holidays."

"How are the family, by the way?" James asked, glancing at Sirius over the top of his menu.

"Oh you know. As darling as ever," Sirius said, with an air of sarcasm. At James's pointed glare, he huffed and rolled his eyes. "I'm fine Prongs. Chill, would you?"

James raised a suspicious eyebrow, but turned back to his menu. "How are you Moony?"

"I'm fine, mother dear," Remus replied, smirking at his friend.

"Hilarious," James replied, deadpanned. He put down his menu, using his middle finger to pushed his glasses back up his nose, before staring at Remus.

Remus squirmed uncomfortably. "I hate when you do that."

"Do what?" James asked innocently, but not relenting on his stare.

"Your stupid Euphemia stare. The one that gets us to tell you everything."

"Does it?" James said, still playing innocent. "I had no idea."

Sirius laughed, earning a glare from Remus. "You can laugh all you want Sirius, but he'll use it on you in a minute."

"Me?" Sirius asked, holding out his arms. "I have nothing to hide."

"Not even that bruise on your shoulder?" James asked, still not turning away from Remus. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Sirius's arms drop suddenly to his side.

"How does he always know?" Sirius demanded, addressing Remus for some reason.

"I don't know," Remus answered, who was currently looking anywhere _but _James.

"How are you Remus?" James repeated.

"I'm fine," Remus answered, shifting in his chair.

"Then why are you shifting in you chair?"

"Cause your staring is making me uncomfortable."

"And why is my staring making you uncomfortable?"

"Cause it makes me feel like I should be telling you something."

"Anything in particular?" James asked, leaning forward in his seat, but not breaking his stare.

"Do you even _need _to blink?" Remus asked, trying to change the subjects.

"Do you reckon his glasses are laced with magic or something?" Sirius wondered.

"Can we do this another time?" Remus asked James, looking at a spot slightly to the left of James.

"Fine," James relented. "Only because I want to enjoy today. But we will do this later."

"You're such a worrier Prongs," Sirius laughed. "I can't believe people think _Moony _is the mother of the group."

"Do they?" Remus asked mildly. "I had no idea."

James snorted. "Absolute lies; you use it to your advantage. The amount of detentions I've been given that should've been issued to you is ridiculous."

"Like you're going to rat on me," Remus replied, his Irish accent lilting with laughter.

"'Course not, 'cause I'm a bloody fool."

"Too right," Sirius said, though he was staring at the door. Remus took advantage of this, and tipped some salt from the shaker into Sirius's water. James was too used to his friend's antics and didn't say anything, turning to see whatever it was that Sirius had been staring at. But whatever it was, it must've disappeared, because Sirius turned back to the table.

"So what have you been up to Prongs?" Sirius asked, taking a sip of his water and promptly spitting it back out again.

"Nothing much," James replied, a smile of amusement tugging at his lips.

Sirius lifted up Remus's glass of water and took a gulp, obviously thinking he had bested the prefect. James's smile only grew when Sirius spat the water back into the glass; Remus was always one step ahead of them when it came to small tricks like that. James looked over at the boy in question to find him studying the menu with an air of innocence and couldn't help feel grateful that these people, along with Peter, were his friends.

He knew that people regarded his group of friends as mismatched, with 'quiet, rule-following' Remus, and 'meek, shy' Peter, as well as 'lazy, entitled' Sirius and himself, an 'obnoxious idiot'. But it was slightly calming to know that other people didn't know them half as well as they thought they did. Hogwarts didn't know that Remus had earned even more detentions than James and Sirius, even if they were never given to him, and that Peter was a brilliant liar who played the 'meek' card for the sake of ensuring their pranks went according to plan and that he could read body language like it was a billboard poster, and that Sirius cared about his image for reasons other than his ego, and that James cared _so _much more than most people realised.

"You're an idiot," James said good-naturedly to Sirius. "You should've learned by now."

"I know," Sirius said wisely. "But when have I learned anything?"

James laughed, before pushing back his seat and standing up. "Have you decided on your order?" he asked.

"The same as usual," Remus replied. Sirius nodded his agreement.

James snorted. "I don't know why we even bother to look at the menus, we always get the same thing."

"Probably to trick ourselves into thinking that we actually have broad taste ranges," Sirius shrugged.

James scoffed. "I have a _very _broad palate, thank you very much." With that, James headed up to counter and order two double chocolate scoops for Remus, a scoop of vanilla and one of strawberry for Sirius, and his usual lemon sorbet. He came back a few minutes later and plopped the tubs and plastic spoons down on the table. Remus and Sirius practically lunged for their ice-cream, the coldness of the desert cooling them down almost instantly. Remus went to give James his money for his own ice-cream, but James stopped him with a look. They'd had this argument so many times that it was pointless to try again when James could be so stubborn when it came to certain matters.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, devouring their respective dishes, before James finally spoke. "Guess who was made Gryffindor Quidditch Captain?" he finally asked, with a smile.

"McKinnon?" asked Sirius was a teasing smirk.

"No, although she would've made a brilliant captain," James conceded.

"Was it Snape?" Remus asked, trying to sound completely serious.

"It's like you read my mind," James said sarcastically.

Remus grinned, before congratulating James. "Yeah, congrats mate," Sirius joined it. "Though I feel bad for your poor team mates who'll have to put up with your obsessive Quidditch behaviour," he joked.

"Think we should get awards just for putting up with him, don't you?" Remus asked Sirius.

"Order of Merlin, First Class," Sirius replied with relish.

"Ha ha," James deadpanned. There was a pause. "But honestly. What is going on with you guys?" Remus and Sirius both groaned

"I thought we weren't going to do this today?" Sirius said.

"You should know better by know," James replied, a small grin gracing his face.

"I told you already," Sirius whined. "I never learn anything."

"Come on," James pleaded.

Remus heaved a sigh, before righting himself in his chair. "Well, there was a full moon a few days ago, so that wasn't great. Ye weren't there, so the wolf wasn't in the best mood, but other than that, I'm fine." James stared Remus down, but he wasn't fidgeting this time. "I'm serious, James. I'm fine."

James nodded, but before he could say anything, Sirius spoke before him. "I thought that I was Sirius?" James huffed out an exasperated half-sigh, before facing Sirius and looking intently at him in the eye. "What?" Sirius asked innocently, despite the fact that he knew full well 'what'.

James had started this tradition of sorts back in third year. Every so often, they would check in on one another to ensure that no one felt like they were drowning, something that often happened, what with the war around them. The idea might not have been as effective if it weren't for James, who not only pushed the idea, but also had a stare like Veritaserum.

Sirius finally relented. "The family isn't great, but the family is never great, so that's nothing new. Bella tried again to get me to join the Death Eaters, and I refused again. And, well, you've seen the bruise." James winced, as he always did whenever Sirius mentioned his cuts and bruises so casually. James had tried many times to get Sirius to move in with him, but Sirius's main concern was Regulus's safety if he left.

"And what about you?" Remus asked James, prodding him lightly with his toe.

"I'm worried about my parents," James confessed. "They're both big targets to Voldemort, mum especially. And I know they're brilliant and can handle themselves, but they're also getting old; they're much older than most parents. And as excited as I am to go back to Hogwarts, I also don't want to leave them on their own," James continued, staring at his hands.

"Have they thought about hiring a house elf?" Sirius asked.

"The doctor suggested it, but mum wasn't having it." James gave a slight laugh. "She says that if she begins thinking that she's old, she'll start to feel old."

"There is some truth to that," Remus said with a small smile.

"I guess," James shrugged. As much as he encouraged the others to talk about their problems, he was never eager to share his. They sounded so petty compared to the others'. And he knew that the point of talking about their problems was not to compare them, and he knew that worrying about his parents was a legitimate concern, but it still made him feel stupid when he said it aloud. He couldn't do anything about his parents' situation, so what use was worrying? It didn't _stop_ him from worrying though.

James knew you wouldn't think it if you knew him, but he was a constant worrier. He worried about his parents, and his friends, and his classmates, and muggles, and muggleborns, and the war. He was worried that they might not beat Voldemort, or what would be left even if they did. The fact that so many people had aligned themselves with Voldemort worried him. Even if they hadn't been brave enough before, there were still people- _so many people_\- who believed his extreme views about muggles, and muggleborns, and 'half-breeds', and _that_ was what scared him the most.

James shook his head, as if that physical action would rid his mind of the thoughts. He often caught himself thinking of the same things on loop. What would he do when he got out of school? How could he help? What would his friends do? What would become of them when it was all over? What if something happened to them? And what about his parents?

James wasn't stupid. He knew his parents were older than most; he had seen stares on the platform, or when they went out together. And he knew that they would have to die eventually, but his head hadn't quite wrapped itself around that thought.

Just then, an explosion shook James out of his contemplation.


	2. Swear to God, I wasn't born to fight

**Chapter 2**

**Swear to God, I wasn't born to fight**

_Swear to God, I wasn't born to fight,_

_Maybe just a little bit,_

_Enough to make me sick of it._

_**Bambi, Hippo Campus**_

The bang was loud and echoed around Diagon Alley.

"What the hell was that?" Remus asked, the spoon dropping out of his hand and landing with a clatter to the floor. There was a pause, and then a distant scream.

Immediately, James, Remus and Sirius dropped their empty ice-cream tubs and spoons, and scrambled out of Florean's, wands already drawn. They dashed towards the noise, but it wasn't that hard to find the source of commotion. Near the centre of the main street was a swarm of Death Eaters. James grabbed his friends and pulled them around the corner, panting hard as he leaned against the wall.

"What do we do?" Remus asked, panting as well.

"What's your call, Captain?" Sirius asked, trying to make light of the situation.

James peaked around the corner of the building, before withdrawing his head, wincing. "There's too many Death Eaters."

"So the logical thing would be to head in the opposite direction, right?" Sirius asked.

"Probably," James replied. The boys took one look at each other, before sighing and charging around the corner. Running away wasn't an option; running away had never been an option.

"This is mad, right?" Remus asked as they sprinted to join the fray.

"Oh, definitely," James replied, before throwing himself into the fight.

James didn't have time to think, he just focused on fighting the men standing against them. Besides, it was too loud to think. All around him he could just hear the shouts of other witches and wizards' spells and the destruction that came with them. On every side of him, parts of buildings crumbled as they were hit with stray spells and on more than one occasion, James had to dodge a few pieces of brick and stone. Both sides were doing their best to dismantle the other, but it was hard. The Death Eaters greatly outnumbered those on James's side, which already pushed a feeling of hopelessness into James's chest, making it hard to breathe.

As he fought Death Eater after Death Eater, James caught glimpses of Remus and Sirius. They were holding their own, sometimes fighting together, but more often James would just catch the back of Sirius's head or see a flash of Remus's jumper as they fought alone. But still, fighting alone was better than injured on the floor, so James was grateful for their random cameos, though he tried not to get too distracted by them.

He _was _thrown off, however, when he caught sight of his mother and father, duelling back to back. He shouldn't have been surprised. Euphemia had been Head Auror in her day and was still as good a dueller as she had always been. And if Euphemia was fighting, then there was little doubt that Fleamont would be fighting alongside her. James had often heard his parents say that they would rather die fighting than being complacent. He hoped that today wasn't that day though.

He forced his mind to return to the fight. His parents, Remus, Sirius- they would all be okay. Right now he needed to focus on himself and not getting killed. James had been involved in many fights, some fistfights, but mainly with his wand. He knew he could duel well, but he had never been involved in a fight when so much was on the line. Sure, he had duelled Avery, who was practically already a full blown Death Eater, but that felt like nothing compared to this. Avery may be a Dead Eater, but he was still a student meaning his talents were limited.

James worked his way through the crowd with no particular tactic. Most fighters were taking on Death Eaters one by one, so James helped by stunning, disarming, and a whole range of other spells as many Death Eaters as he could see. He felt very much so like an unmarked chaser in a Quidditch match, but he hoped that some of his spells helped those who were duelling the Death Eaters. He saw some people running in the opposite direction, and he almost half-wished he could join him. But the rest of him laughed at the thought; there was no way he was leaving. He didn't think he could, even if he wanted to.

Occasionally, James would take on a Death Eater on his own. These required much more concentration than the random firing through the crowd, and James gritted his teeth as he willed his mind not to blank on his past five years of magical education. This one-on-one duels could've lasted any amount of time- James couldn't tell you. All he could tell you was that the Death Eaters weren't disappearing without a fight- that much was evident. It felt like both five years and five seconds had passed simultaneously.

And then, through all the dust and destruction around him, he spotted a young girl and what was presumably her father, defenceless as the were being floated in the air by one Death Eater, while another, whom was clutching the man's wand in his hand, stood next to him. They were laughing as they spun the pair in the air, turning the father and daughter this way and that. James waded his way through the wreckage and moving bodies of those around him, and headed over to where the young girl and her father were being floated in the air by the two Death Eaters. James felt his stomach twist at the sight of the young girl. He didn't think the Death Eaters would ever stop surprising him at how low they were willing to stoop.

James didn't pause to think as he fired jinxes at the Death Eater who was not levitating the child and her father. James had caught the Death Eater by surprise, but he was quick to recover, muttering the counter-curse to the jelly legs James had shot at him. And then suddenly, James was duelling in the most ferocious battle he had ever fought.

The Death Eater was unfortunately skilled, meaning James had to be alert at ever second. He thanked Merlin that he had been practising Quidditch over the summer, which kept him in shape. He also knew that Death Eaters were not afraid to use Unforgivable Curses, such as _Crucio_, or even _Avada Kedavra_, which meant he couldn't rest for a second.

And there was always the threat of the second Death Eater, who, while he _seemed _grossed in his 'fun' with the father and daughter, could just as easily turn and target James. So James fired out every spell he could possibly think in an effort to keep himself alive. Finally, after what seemed like an age, he managed to hit the Death Eater with a full body bind.

The second Death Eater then switched his attention to James. The father dropped out of the sky and landed with a sickening crunch. The daughter dropped as well, but James rushed forward just in time in order to catch her. He didn't know what state the man was in, but in the moment, he had bigger things to worry about. He lowered the girl to her feet, before giving the girl a soft push. She seemed reluctant to leave her dad, but she finally turned and ran off, making James sigh slightly with relief.

The second Death Eater seemed to have been watching all this time, but hadn't bothered to make a move. That was the actions of someone confident in the fact that they would not be defeated, which made James shiver. He was already out of breath from his fight with the first Death Eater, and didn't know if he'd be able to do the same with the second. But all he could do was try. And so James squared his shoulders and faced the Death Eater with all the bravery he could manage.

The Death Eater shot the first spell. James leapt out of the way before responding with his own. And that was how the duel continued, in a deathly dance where if you missed a step, you lost. The Death Eater had the upper hand, being less tired than James and having no conscience on using dark spells. At times it just seemed that the Death Eater was lazily flicking his wand while James catapulted around the place in an effort to dodge the spells. He shot jinxes after stunning spells after disarming spells but nothing powerful enough got through. For the most part the Death Eater remained unharmed, only hindered by some jinxes which had slipped through his defences. And while James's defences weren't as strong and consistent, he made up for it with his boundless energy as he bounced from one place to another; but James knew that eventually he would tire.

But as he thought of his friends, and his family and the next two years of Hogwarts waiting for him, James knew that he didn't want to die here and now. With a renewed strength that James didn't know he had, he faced the Death Eater with as much bravado as he could muster.

Yet again, he flung any sort of spell he could remember at the Death Eater. Flashes of his Defence Against the Dark Arts classes came back to him, as well as the hexes he and Snap had exchanged, along with the creative jinxes that Lily Evans had sent his way whenever she felt he was being particularly prattish.

And to both his and the Death Eaters surprise, it was working. It was subtle at first as James finally gained the upper hand in the duel. The Death Eater was still relentless, but you could tell he was tiring. This turn of events only served to rejuvenate James even further; he pressed on.

For some reason, James felt like a timer had been placed on their fight. He didn't know why, but all James could think was that if he didn't defeat this Death Eater soon, something bad would happen. James had no clue what this thing would be, or if he was being paranoid- the more likely option- but he didn't want to stick around long enough to find out. The faster this fight was over, the faster he could help other people.

"_Stupefy_," James roared, but the Death Eater just yelled '_protego_' in defence, before serving one of his own spells. James's breath was coming fast now, but he had no intention of stopping. He had always thought that fighting would be exhilarating, that he would be the hero to face down multiple Death Eaters and survive. And now he knew the truth; fighting was _tiring, _in more than just a physical way. James felt emotionally and mentally drained as well, and he didn't know why he ever thought he could take multiple Death Eaters at once.

He never thought he had 'romanticised' the reality of the war. He knew people were dying, he knew that he, or his friends, or his family could be next. But James hadn't really ever thought about the actual fighting. He hadn't given much thought to how it would feel to be in constant danger, with other a wooden stick to save you from your death. It was a grim thought, but James reckoned that most thoughts during a time of war were grim.

James gripped his wand, and pushed harder, hoping beyond hope that this battle would be over soon and he could rest. He repeated spells in a row, no longer caring about originality or throwing the Death Eater off. All he had to do know was win, so he could help Sirius and Remus and his parents and the poor father who had fallen to the ground and his daughter who was certainly worrying about him.

James's chest felt tight again and he voice grew hoarse, too distracted to fire non-verbal jinxes, which usually came out weaker when they weren't practised, as opposed to shouting the incantation.

And then there were several pops.


	3. Long enough to call it courage

**Chapter 3**

**Long enough to call it courage**

_Fault lines tremble underneath my glass house,_

_But I put it out of my mind,_

_Long enough to call it courage;_

_To live without a lifeline._

_**Earth, Sleeping at Last**_

James knew that sound; the sound of apparition. He glanced over to see that hundreds of Ministry officials were after joining the skirmish. His moment of distraction allowed the Death Eater to send one last curse at James. All he saw was the silver burst of the spell before the Death Eater disapparated.

James sank to the ground in pain. His right leg, where the curse had hit, felt like it was on fire. With the little strength James had left, he dragged himself over to the body of the father who had dropped from the air. James placed two fingers at the man's wrist, but couldn't sense a pulse. Feeling desperate, James moved his fingers to the man's neck, forcing himself to ignore his leg and focus on the man in front of him.

And then, James felt it. The pulse was weak, but it was there, and James felt his heart soar with relief. "Medic! Healer!" he croaked as loud as he could, his voice raw from the shouting. "Medic! Healer!" he repeated more frantically. "Please!" he begged, tears rushing to his eyes as he attempted to ignore his leg. He blinked them back, shouting as loud as he could. "Medic! Over here! Someone please! I need a Healer!"

A man in green robes rushed to James's side and knelt down at the man, feeling for a pulse as James had done, before conjuring up a stretcher and levitating the man onto it. James got to his feet, exhausted, tears streaming down his cheeks as he stared down at the spot where the man had lay, feeling weaker than he had ever done in his whole life.

James knew he should also seek medical attention for his leg, which was now pounding a too-loud pulse and felt possibly like it was bleeding, but all James could focus on was the little girl. He had seen her run off after he had caught her, stopping her from hitting the ground, so he headed in the direction he had seen her go. James was still crying, but he forced himself to keep going, to find the girl and explain to her that the Healers had taken her father, and that he was still alive and that the Death Eaters had disappeared as soon as the Ministry had arrived, as late as that had been.

James all but dragged his right leg behind him, unsure of how exactly he could find this girl. He didn't know her name, and didn't know how long she had ran before hiding. Not long was the answer, as he spotted her crouched behind a bin, trembling. James went over slowly so as not to startle her, and crouched in front of her, despite how his leg screamed.

"Hey," he said softly. She looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes, and he imagined that his were looking something similar. "My name is James."

"Sally," she offered quietly. "You were the one that caught me."

"I was," James nodded. He paused. "The Death Eaters are gone now. Some Ministry people apparated, so they took off." She nodded to show she had heard, before opening her mouth and hesitating. Sensing what she was going to ask, James answered it for her. "He still had a pulse. The Healers got him on a stretcher and I'd say they took him back to St. Mungo's."

"Yeah?" she asked, relief instant on her small face.

"Yeah," James smiled, for a second forgetting the pain he was in. "We should get you back to the main street, someone could bring you to your dad."

She nodded, before studying him. "What happened to you?"

James stared at her, startled for a second. "I got hit with a spell right before the Death Eaters disapparated," he finally explained.

"Shouldn't you see a Healer?"

"I probably should," he laughed. "But I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Sally shrugged, before picking herself up off the floor with unsteady feet. Slowly, the two made their way back to where everyone was gathered. They found a Healer who had just apparated, probably back from the hospital.

"Sorry to bother you, but this girl's father was put on a stretcher and brought to the hospital. I was wondering if you knew if someone could bring her there," James asked as politely as he could.

"There's a group of people over there," the Healer began, slightly harried, waving his hand in the direction of a group of people who were huddled at the side of the street. "They have family or friends who were also brought to St. Mungo's. After we're finished examining this lot here, we're going to bring them to the hospital, so if this girl wants to wait with them, we'll make sure she finds her father."

"Thank you so much," James sighed in relief. He turned to walk Sally over to the group, but she refused.

"He needs to be looked at," she said to the Healer, crossing her arms to signify that she wouldn't be going anywhere unless he complied.

The Healer glanced over at James and actually looked at him. His skin was ghostly white and his eyes were red raw. He was sweating profusely and looked like he might fall over at any moment. "You're right," he said finally to Sally. He paused. "How about you join the group over there, and I'll take care of your friend."

Sally hesitated, looking between the Healer and James, before consenting. But first she gave James a hug, which shocked him. "Thank you for helping dad, and for saving my life."

"Any time," James replied, hugging her back. Then Sally extracted herself and ran over to join the huddle of people who were waiting to see loved ones.

"Sit down," the Healer told James, who was almost swaying on his feet. "What happened?"

James collapsed to the floor before answering. "A Death Eater hit me with some sort of curse or something, just before he disapparated," James explained, slowly rolling up his right jeans leg wincing when the material scraped over where the spell had hit his leg.

The Healer went pale at the sight and James felt like he was going to faint. There were two red knife-like slashes in James's leg stretching around his calf and shin, and they were currently oozing blood. His jeans themself weren't cut, but they were beginning to stain dark. James hadn't noticed at first, because they were covered in dirt and dust. "I think there is another cut up here," James said, indicating to his thigh.

"I'm going to use my wand to cut away your pants leg. I promise that I've done this many times before, and that I am not going to hurt you. Is that okay?" the Healer asked clearly. "We can do this another way if you'd prefer.

James hesitated, remembering the feeling of his leg on fire after the Death Eater had hit him with the curse. "Okay," he said finally, "you can do it." James shut his eyes and looked away, knowing that it was illogical for his heart to be pounding so much. He _knew _that the Healer was here to help him, but he couldn't help the way his stomach clenched and his throat constricted.

"It's done," the Healer said, still pronouncing his words very clearly.

James sighed, feeling as though all the air was being exhaled out of his body. "I didn't feel a thing," he croaked.

"Good," the Healer smiled gently. James looked down at his leg and winced. He was right in saying that there was another cut on his thigh, but seeing all three together was sort of harrowing. His leg was swelling around the cut, but that didn't do much to ease the flow of blood.

"James!" he heard someone call from behind him. He tried to twist around, but couldn't turn all the way without moving his leg and he didn't feel up to that. "Prongs!" the person called again, and this time James could here that it was Sirius.

"Over here!" he called back, hoping that Sirius could tell which direction his voice was coming from. He was lucky Sirius had dog-like hearing, because his best mate found him soon enough. Perhaps James should've waited until his leg was looking less deformed.

"Oh my-" Sirius dropped to the ground, kneeling next to James. "James..." he trailed off whispering. "What the hell happened?"

"There was a Death Eater attack actually, don't know if you knew about that," James said, attempting at humour, though there wasn't much heart in it.

"James, I'm serious..."

"I know you are. I'm James."

This time Sirius cracked a small smile. "Wow, you must be feeling really terrible if you're making a 'serious' pun."

James grinned in reply, before instantly wincing when the Healer touched the skin around one of his calf cuts.

"Sorry," the Healer said softly. "I'm just trying to assess the situation."

"It's fine," James said through gritted teeth, even though he meant the sentiment. He knew the Healer was just trying to examine his leg, and knew that that would include actually handling the cuts, but it was impossible to ignore the pain that flared up in his leg when the cut had been touched.

"What happened?" Sirius asked, bringing James's attention back on him.

"I'm not sure. When the Ministry people arrived, I got distracted for a split second. I don't know what spell the Death Eater cast, he did it non-verbally."

"Don't that mean the spell wouldn't have as much power as a verbal spell would?" Sirius asked, brow furrowed.

"You'd think," James said, wincing again as the Healer continued with his assessment.

"Do you remember what colour the spell was?" the Healer asked him. "It might help me to identify the spell and therefore, the problem."

"What do you mean 'problem'?" Sirius asked, his voice climbing higher and higher. "It's very obviously the cuts in his leg."

"The spell was silver," James replied, ignoring Sirius. "He made three slashes in the air I think, which could equate to the three slashes in my leg."

The Healer nodded. "That could mean that the spell doesn't specifically make three slashes, it was only three because the Death Eater decided then and there."

James nodded. "So whatever the spell was, it makes a sort of knife-like cut in my leg?"

"It would seem so," the Healer replied slowly. "But I've never seen cuts like these before. I don't think they're the regular sort of knife cuts. And not just because of the fact that they were made with a wand, but because of the way your leg is swelling."

"I thought that legs swell when you're cut? Or at least a small bit."

"Sometimes, yes," the Healer admitted. "But I don't like the look of the swelling."

"So what can we do?" Sirius asked, his voice still pitched higher than usual.

"We'll have to get him to St. Mungo's," the Healer explained to Sirius, "we can run more extensive tests there, and can do a better job of patching him up."

"Where do you need me to wait?" James asked.

"Over there is where some less critical patients are waiting," the Healer said, gesturing to a group not far from where Sally had gone.

"I'll help you over," Sirius offered.

"Thank you," James said the Healer, who smiled slightly before to see if someone else needed his help.

"This is probably going to hurt a lot," Sirius warned.

James took a deep breath. "That's fine."

"1, 2, 3," Sirius counted down, before hoisting James up. James did his best to help, but felt instantly weak once he was off the ground. He could feel the blood draining from his face, and he felt like he was going to faint. He staggered a small bit, with Sirius there to help him stand straighter. "You okay?" Sirius asked, looking concerned as he stared at James's grey face.

"I'm fine," James replied through gritted teeth.

"No one who has said that they're fine has ever been fine," Sirius joked, though his face remained worried.

James let out a strangled laugh, before promptly fainting.


	4. My bones and my body screamed

**Chapter 4**

**My bones and my body screamed**

_I woke with a headache, my bones and my body_

_Screamed: Son where the hell is your head?_

_I reached for some water to quench the fire_

_That's burning up in my bed._

_**Traveler, Hippo Campus**_

When James came to, he was lying in a hospital bed. He blinked his eyes open, before shutting them against the harsh lights. The door to his left opened and closed. Almost instantly, whispering began.

"What did the Healer say?" Sirius asked.

"That James should be waking any time soon, and that they'll explain everything as soon as he does." That was Euphemia. James smiled at the sound of her voice.

"And what about Monty?" Sirius asked. Instantly, the smile was wiped from James's face and he tensed.

"He'll be alright; just a bit battered and bruised," Euphemia explained.

James opened his eyes and let out a croaky "thank Merlin." At once, Euphemia and Sirius were at James's bedside, peering down at him with concerned eyes.

"How're you feeling pet?" Euphemia asked, brushing the hair back from his forehead.

"Not great, to be honest," James admitted, pushing himself up into a sitting position. He was no longer wearing his jeans and flannel, but was now wearing a green hospital gown. He pushed back the cover and braced himself as he looked down at his right leg. He was relieved to see that the swelling had gone down a bit, but his cuts were still swollen. His leg was starting to bruise around the edges of the three cuts, which were no longer heavily bleeding, but were still red, raw and deep.

He winced at the sight, before throwing the blanket back over them. "Has a Healer said anything?"

"I'll go grab one," Sirius said, dashing out the door.

"Is dad okay?" James asked, although he had already heard the answer.

"He'll be fine. It's you we're worried about. He wanted to be here, but they just want to make sure he's okay."

"What happened to him?"

"A Death Eater shot a fully body-bind jinx at him," Euphemia explained, "and since we're getting on in years, they just want to make sure that he didn't break or crack anything when he hit the ground. But he'll be okay."

James smiled, and was about to say something when the door opened again, bringing Sirius and a Healer following behind him. Sirius leaned against the wall by James's bed, watching everything quietly. The Healer glanced at the chart behind James's head, before stopping at his bedside. "Hello James, I'm Healer Boyle," she smiled, speaking with a Scottish accent. "Is it okay if I take a look at your leg?" James nodded, and carefully peeled back the blanket. Healer Boyle winced almost imperceptibly, but James, who had been watching carefully for her reaction, noticed. Euphemia dragged the chair in the corner up to James's beside and sat on it.

"James," she began, before stopping. "James, I'm going to be completely honest and straightforward with you." James nodded, keeping his mouth tightly shut. "Your leg is never going to heal completely," she stated.

Immediately, Euphemia shot up from her and Sirius pushed himself off the wall. "What?" Sirius demanded.

"James's leg will never completely heal, I'm afraid," Healer Boyle repeated.

"What? What do you mean?" Euphemia asked, horrified, even though this had already been asked. Throughout this whole commotion, James remained silent. Euphemia seemed to notice and stopped talking. "James?" she asked tentatively.

"How much will it heal, if it won't heal completely?" he asked, not meeting anyone's eyes.

"There will always be an ache in your leg and sometimes the cuts might inflame really badly or hurt a lot more than usual. We don't know the full extent, because this is a really rare spell. It's especially designed with dark magic. The spell cuts you with the idea of knife slashes in mind, but it infects the cuts with dark magic, so the cuts will never heal fully."

"That's why my jeans weren't cut," James realised.

"Basically, yes."

James sat there and took in the full extent of the Healer's words; his leg would never be back to normal. "Will I be able to walk?" he blurted out.

"For the most part, yes," Healer Boyle said.

"For the most part?" Euphemia asked, worry creasing her brows.

"Some days it will be harder for him to walk, others will be practically normal, aside from the ache. Some days... some days it may be downright difficult. Especially in the first few months, James will have to use a cane to walk, and he should take it easy. He'll probably be over that by the time he goes back to school, but as I said, some days will be tougher than others, and he may need to use a cane during the school year on occasion."

James nodded, jaw tight. "Anything else in terms of pain fluctuation?" Euphemia asked.

"As I said, the cut is infected with dark magic. On days where you're reminded most of the attack; the pain in your leg is more likely to increase on those days. There is one more thing. Like I said, you're going to have to take it easy. There haven't been many cases of a curse or jinx like this, so we don't know the full extent of the problems this can cause for you." The Healer paused, looking almost sorry for James. "You won't be able to play sport. At least not for the coming school year."

"No quidditch?" James asked, barely daring to believe it.

"No quidditch," the Healer confirmed, looking very sorry indeed. There was a lull in the conversation. "I'm going to pop out bring some canes for sizing. I'll be back in about twenty minutes."

Then the Healer left, the door swinging shut behind her. "Where's Remus?" James asked, running a hand through his hair.

"He's with Monty," Sirius explained. "They may be done by now, I'll go see." With that, Sirius disappeared again, leaving Euphemia and James alone.

"What do you think mom?" James asked, lying back in bed and tilting his head up to look at her.

"I think you're very brave. And that we're going to do our best to make sure you're as good as you can possibly be, even with your leg," Euphemia said confidently. "And I'm very proud of you."

James smiled softly, but didn't have a chance to say anything, because Sirius had returned with his dad and Remus. "Hey dad, how are you?" James asked, both eager to know, and eager to deflect away from himself.

"I'm fine James. How's the leg?"

James shrugged. "Pretty sore. How 'bout you Remus?"

"I'm tired, but I'm okay," Remus, who did indeed look tired, replied.

James had to stay in St. Mungo's for the next week for observation.

Another, perhaps more surprising, visitor was Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster at Hogwarts. James had been dozing lightly when his hospital room door had opened and closed, letting in a Healer with Albus Dumbledore in tow. The Healer busied himself, checking to make sure James was okay, waking James in the process. When he left, James blinked up at his headmaster, not really sure why he was there.

"Hello sir," James said politely.

"Hello James," the headmaster replied kindly, taking the seat next to James's bed, where Euphemia, Sirius, Remus or Fleamont had lived on a revolving rota. Distantly, James wondered where they were. "I've come to see how you were doing."

James shrugged awkwardly. Most of his one-on-one conversations with the silver-haired wizard were about James's misbehaviour or pranks. "I'm alright sir. How are you?"

"I'm good, thank you." There was a pause. "Your teachers have been informed of your situation, meaning you will have a bit of leeway when it comes to punctuation. I trust you not to abuse this."

"I won't professor," James promised. Dumbledore fixed him with a stare that seemed to look into James's mind. After a few seconds, the headmaster nodded.

"I'm also here to talk to you about your quidditch captaincy." James nodded, chest tightening. "I understand, from what the Healer told me, that you're not to play any sport- at least for the coming year." James nodded again, still not saying anything. "After careful consideration, I have decided to back my decision to appoint you Quidditch Captain."

James, who had been staring down at his lap, snapped his head up to meet Dumbledore's eyes. "What?" he croaked.

"You can still be captain James, if you'd like. You can still run practice, and mentor from the sidelines."

James thought hard for a minute, before shaking his head. "No."

"No?" Dumbledore asked, sounding like he was faking surprise.

"No," James repeated. "But thank you sir. It's a very kind offer, but I'm afraid it wouldn't be fair to the team. They deserve a captain who can actually play with them, and who can lead the team on the pitch."

"That is very admirable of you," Dumbledore commented, as if he had already guessed that James was going to say that. "And who do you think should be captain in your stead?"

"Marlene McKinnon," James answered instantly. "She deserved it every bit as much as I did. She'd make a brilliant captain."

"I couldn't agree more," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling.

"And sir?" James asked hesitantly. "I assume you aren't, but just in case." He paused. "Can you not tell her that I was chosen first? I don't want her to think she was second choice or whatever. And I also don't really want to explain why I turned it down."

"I think that would be best," Dumbledore replied.

"Thanks Professor," James said.

"I'm very proud of you James," was all Dumbledore said, before getting up and exiting the room. James took a deep breath and released it slowly. The door opened again, with Remus and Sirius entering the room, laughing at something Sirius had said.

"Hey, how're you doing?" Remus asked, seeing that James was awake.

"Grand," James shrugged.

"Was that Dumbledore we saw a minute ago?" Sirius asked, planting himself on the end of James's hospital bed.

"Yeah, he was just coming to make sure I'm okay and to talk to me about my quidditch captaincy."

"Oh?" Remus asked, lowering himself into the chair at James's bedside.

"Yeah, he said that I could still be Captain and direct the team from the sideline," James replied, hand reaching up to thread through his hair.

"That was nice of him," Remus said, keeping his voice neutral and watching James carefully.

"You turned him down, didn't you?" Sirius asked, also watching James.

James squirmed in his bed. "I did," he said with a sad smile.

"Why?" Remus asked, though he had some ideas.

"Just didn't want the team asking questions about why I can't play," James said with fake nonchalance.

"Is that all?" Sirius asked, levelling James with his best 'Euphemia stare', though it was clear that he was trying to hide his amusement.

In one swift movement, James left leg reached out and kicked Sirius off the bed. He landed with a thud on the floor, but he was laughing too hard for James to be even remotely concerned about him. Remus burst out laughing, struggling to breathe as he took in the sight in front of him. "I'm not an idiot, I can tell what's happening," James said indignantly, arms crossed.

There was about a minute where no one said anything, James because he was waiting on a reply, and Remus and Sirius because they were laughing too hard. "It's just-" Remus stopped, gasping for breath, tears streaming down his face.

Sirius stood up, staggering back towards James's bed, laughing too hard to walk straight. "It's just that we always get questioned by you, and it's kind of funny to turn the tables."

"Shut up," James grumbled. "If you must know, I didn't think it would be fair to the team to have a Captain who can't even play with them, so I suggested he give the captaincy to Marlene."

"How very noble of you," Sirius said in a snobby voice, which resulted in James shoving him off the bed again. Sirius's laughter was muffled with the floor.


	5. I can tell I've rotted in your brain

**Chapter 5**

**I can tell I've rotted in your brain**

_I'm guessing that I've grown horns,_

_I guess I'm human no more;_

_I can tell I've rotted in your brain._

_**Monster, dodie**_

Sirius stared back at James's hospital bed, hand on the handle of the door. It was late at night, and Sirius had found himself sitting in the chair by his best friend's bed. The longer he sat there, the angrier he had gotten.

Sirius wasn't an idiot. He knew that at least one of his 'family' members had been involved in the attack which had left James lying in a bed at St. Mungo's. He knew there was a war brewing; he had known it for years, but it was different when it was shoved in your face like that.

His teeth were clenched and his jaw strained when he thought about it. How come it was always the good people, the people like James, that ended up getting hurt? In a flash, Sirius was up out of the seat and pacing the width of the room. He had to do something.

Which lead him to where he was now, facing the door, but staring back at James. Resolve made up, he turned back and strode out the door. Out of the hospital and out in the fresh air, it was easier to think clearer. A voice in his head, one that sounded suspiciously like James Potter, was trying to convince him to go back to the hospital.

But in the end, Sirius's impulsive side took over and he found himself in front of his house. Just looking at it made him shiver. It was dark and gloomy and grim and not something most would associate with the word 'home'. Since it was late, Sirius was hoping his family were asleep, his brain making a last ditch effort to stop what he was about to do.

He pushed open the door and had only taken a step inside when he heard his mother. "Sirius is that you?" she called, her voice already giving away her anger.

"Yes!" Sirius called back, not caring how loud he was. He tried to reclaim some of the anger he had felt at St. Mungo's. One thing you couldn't show Walburga Black was fear.

The door to the kitchen was thrown open and Sirius stared down the hall to his mother, who was standing in the doorway. "Where were you? We were worried sick about you!"

Sirius scoffed, and felt some of his bravery return to him. "I'm sure you were," he replied sarcastically.

"Get here!" she said, voice sharp.

Mustering up his confidence, he carried himself down the hall to stand in front of her. "Yes mother?"

He was met with a stinging slap across his cheek. "Don't talk back to me. Where were you?"

"I was at the hospital," Sirius replied, trying to keep his eyes from watering at the contact.

"The hospital?"

"James got injured. There was an attack in Diagon Alley." Sirius paused. "But I'm sure you know nothing about that, right?"

Walburga drew herself up to her full height. "And what are you implying?"

"I'm not an idiot mother."

Walburga let out a cold laugh. "You could have fooled me." If it had been James, or Remus, or Peter, or even one of the Gryffindor girls who had said that, Sirius probably would've laughed. But there was no teasing tone behind Walburga's insult.

"I know that some of my dear relatives had something to do with the attack in Diagon Alley," Sirius persisted.

"Excuse me?" Walburga asked, left eyebrow raising.

"James could've been killed. _I _could've been killed," Sirius said.

"And why would that matter to me?"

Sirius reeled back like he had been slapped again. He knew that his mother didn't like him; hated him even. But to hear from her own mouth that she wouldn't care if he died? It made it seem even realer. "Because I am your son!" Sirius's voice became raised.

"You are no son of mine!" Walburga replied, equally as loud. "I may have raised you, but you have shown me time and time again that you don't wish to belong to this family. Running along with blood traitors and who even knows what."

Sirius thought about James, who his mother was referring to, and to Remus, who his mother would have a fit about if she knew he was a werewolf, and Peter, who was not a pureblood, and therefore, not good enough in Walburga's eyes. They were more family to him than this woman had ever been. "I hate you!" Sirius screamed.

The punch came fast, landing on the other cheek than the slap had. Her ring cut across his cheekbone, and when his hand went up to touch his face, his fingers came away wet. "When you are in my house," Walburga began, voice like steel, "you will follow my rules. You will come back when I tell you to, you will do what I tell to and, most importantly, you will not talk back to me. Is that understood?"

Sirius stared at his mother. Sirius was was tall enough- not nearly as tall as James or Remus, but taller than Peter- but slightly taller than average. His mother had always been a tall woman, leaving the mother and son to be the same height. He stared into his mother's face and saw no trace of emotion there. No love- never love- but no anger either. Nothing to show she cared, or that she felt any way other than indifferent towards him.

"Is that understood?" Walburga repeated, voice slightly louder.

Sirius stared for half a second longer, before nodding. "I understand."

"Good. No go up to your room and I better not hear a sound out of you."

Without saying another word to his mother, Sirius turned and left the kitchen, both cheeks stinging. He could feel some blood trailing down the side of his face where Walburga's ring had cut him. Sirius paused at the bottom of the stairs and glanced back at the kitchen. The door was closed now, and the light was spilling through the gap between the bottom of the door and the floor. He had never liked his house; it was too cold and dark to ever be considered a home. But now, standing here, knowing he may never be back, he thought he might just miss the dusty interior.

At the top of the stairs, Sirius was about to open the door to his room when another bedroom door opened. "Sirius?" Regulus asked groggily.

"Shhh," Sirius hissed, before dragging Regulus into his room. "Don't be so loud Reg, you'll get me into more trouble.

"What's happening? Why are you bleeding?" Regulus asked, rubbing at his eyes.

"Mother's ring cut me," Sirius said grimly.

"Where were you?"

"Diagon Alley. You know that," Sirius answered, reaching under his bed to pull out his trunk.

"Yeah, but why are you back so late?"

"There was an attack. James is in hospital."

Regulus was not a fan of James Potter, who he knew from his parents, was a blood traitor. But his curiosity won over. "What happened to him?"

"He got attacked by a Death Eater. Probably one of our dear cousins," Sirius laughed coldly.

"What are you doing?" Regulus asked, noticing that Sirius was throwing all his things haphazardly into the trunk.

"I can't stay here Reg."

"So, what? You're just going to leave me here?"

"You can come with me."

"Oh? And where would we go?" Regulus asked disbelievingly.

"To James's. Or Uncle Alphard's. I don't know, somewhere other than here."

Regulus's lips curled in disgust at the mention of James's name. "No thanks, I'd rather not stay with a blood traitor," he said primly.

"And yet, you want to stay here?" Sirius asked, now attempting to close his trunk.

"I like it here," Regulus replied, nose in the air.

Sirius paused. "How could _anyone _like it here?" he asked quietly.

"Your problem is that you don't listen. If you just follow mother's rules, you'd find it's quite easy to live here."

"And what if I don't want to follow mother's rules? What if I don't agree with them?"

Regulus shrugged. "Then you keep your mouth shut.

Sirius turned around to look at Regulus, who was now sitting stiffly on the end of Sirius's bed. "Look. You and I both know that I'm not exactly wanted here. Being put into Gryffindor was the last straw, and that was almost six years ago. I'm surprised I lasted this long to be honest. If you want to come with me, that's fine. But don't tell me that if I kept my mouth shut that I'd _enjoy living here_."

"It's your own fault that you were put into Gryffindor," Regulus said coldly, examining his nails.

Sirius laughed manically. "You can't choose what house you get sorted into. The _hat _does that, for Merlin's sake. I didn't ask to be sorted into Gryffindor, but you know what? I'm glad I was. This family is a nightmare, and it's amazing that you still believe the lies mother and father are telling you."

"Lies like what?" Regulus scoffed.

"Like purebloods are the only ones who should have magic. If that was true, then purebloods _would _be the only ones with magic. But they're not. Muggleborns have just as much magic as purebloods, and you and I both know it."

"Mudbloods _stole_ magic from us," Regulus insisted.

"How?" Sirius asked, pulling at his hair. "How could a young child _steal _magic? If you could steal magic, we wouldn't have muggles. And don't use that word, it's disgusting."

"Since when have you become such good friends with _mudbloods_?" Regulus asked, putting an emphasis on the term in order to frustrate his brother.

"Since when did you become a puppet for mother and father's hate?" Sirius spat back, going back to pushing the trunk closed.

"I am not a _puppet_," Regulus replied, offended, standing up now.

"You are literally incapable of forming independent thought."

Regulus bristled. "Just because I'm younger than you, or was sorted into the same house as the rest of the family, doesn't mean I'm incapable of forming independent thought."

"The fact that you are literally repeating word-for-word what we've both heard mother and father say on countless occasions is what makes you incapable of forming independent thought." Sirius paused. "So, if you're not going to come with me, can you at least get out of my way?"

Regulus stared at his older brother, jaw tense. Nobody said anything for a few seconds, but finally Regulus moved out of the way. "If they ask, you know nothing about this," Sirius warned. Regulus scoffed, but Sirius spoke before he could say anything. "It'll be better for you, trust me. How do you think they'd react if they found out you knew I was leaving and didn't say anything?"

It was this sentiment that hung in the air as Sirius left his room for the last time and walked slowly down the stairs, both so as not to attract attention, and because his trunk was heavy. It was raining when he finally left the house, which figured, but the air was so much clearer than it was in the house. Sirius took a deep breath and one last look at the house, before going.

His journey back to St. Mungo's was uneventful. It was late enough that there were hardly any people around to see a bleeding teenager lugging around a large trunk. Sirius is completely soaked when he arrives back at St. Mungo's, and some of the staff do give him strange looks, but he ignores them.

When he arrives at James's room, he pushes open the door softly and steps inside, trying to stop his shoes from squelching with all the water they've absorbed. He lowers the trunk down on the floor, making sure it doesn't land with a thud, and moves to sit in the chair next to James's bed. It's dark in the room, but he manages not to bump into anything. He flops into the chair and takes in a deep breath. He doesn't like being in wet clothes, but he's too bone tired to do anything about it.

"Sirius?" James mumbles beside him.

"Yeah?" Sirius replies, equally as quiet.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, with a sort of realisation. "Yeah, I am," he repeats.

"That's good." And with that, James rolls over in his bed and falls back asleep almost immediately.

"Yeah, I am," Sirius says into the gloom.


	6. Won't somebody hold me

**Chapter 6**

**Won't somebody hold me and tell me it'll all work out**

_Won't somebody hold me and tell me it'll all work out._

_Say that there's nothing to worry about now._

'_Cause I'm so sick of the drama, and I hate to shout-_

_But you drag it out of me._

_**I Go Crazy, Orla Gartland**_

When James woke groggily the next day, his eyes took a bit to adjust to the lights. When he glanced over at Sirius, who was asleep on the chair next to James's bed- which can't have been comfortable for him- he bolted upright.

Sirius's hair had clearly been soaked and dry again, as it had dried as clumps of strands. There was a bruise on both cheeks, one bruise surrounding a cut which looked fairly unpleasant. James had a sudden recollection of being woken in the night to Sirius moving, but at the time he had figured it was nothing.

"Sirius," James said loudly in order to wake his best friend up. Sirius stirred, but didn't open his eyes. "Sirius," James called again.

"What?" Sirius grumbled, still not opening his eyes.

"What happened to you?" James asked.

Suddenly, Sirius's eyes flew open and he sat up straight in his chair. His hand went to run through his shoulder length hair- a habit he had picked up from James- but he winced when his hair got stuck. His hand dropped from his hair and instead touched the bruise surrounding the cut on his face. Sirius winced again. "I- ah-"

"Let's get you cleaned up first," James said, sensing that his friend was not ready to talk yet.

Sirius smiled gratefully, but then hesitated. "Are you sure you're okay to get out of bed?"

"I've been in bed for too long at this point; I'm going to go mad," James gave an easy smile. He swung his legs around and grabbed his cane, which was leaning against the cabinet on James's left hand side. James then used the cane to haul himself off the bed, trying not to outwardly show his pain for Sirius's sake.

James's hospital room did not have a bathroom, but there was one down the hall. Walking there took much longer than it normally would, but James was still getting used to walking, especially with a cane, and the pain had not subsided in his leg.

James opened the door and leaned against it, while Sirius walked up to the sink and looked in the mirror, seemingly examining himself. He grabbed a bunch of tissue paper and ran it under the water for a few seconds, before dabbing it on his cut. It wasn't the most sanitary way of cleaning a cut, but he didn't really want to bring this to anyone's attention.

Sirius nodded satisfactorily at the mirror, and the two returned slowly to James's hospital room. In the cabinet next to James's bed was a comb, which his mother had brought him, despite knowing all to well that he probably wouldn't use it.

Sirius combed through his hair carefully, looking more like himself as he did so. The silence was kind of heavy, but James didn't want to push Sirius on the topic until he was ready. Finally, Sirius climbed onto the end of the bed and crossed his legs. James climbed carefully onto the top of the bed, mirroring Sirius, but with right leg straightened out.

"I, eh, I went 'home' yesterday," Sirius began, using his fingers to make air quotes around the word 'home'.

"What?" James asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah," Sirius admitted, staring down at the bed covers. "I was just sitting here and I was thinking about how unfair it is that you got hurt and the Death Eaters pretty much got away with it. And then I realised that some of my family were probably there, under the masks." Sirius laughed bitterly. "For all we know, one of my cousins could've been the one to jinx you. So I went back. I was just so angry and I wasn't think and-" Sirius balled his hands into fists. "So I went back."

"What happened?" James asked quietly.

"Mother was not happy to see me. Said she was worried about where I was."

James snorted. "Likely story."

"Yeah, I said pretty much the same thing. She didn't like that." At this, Sirius indicated to the bruise on his not-cut cheek. James's jaw, which had already been tight, seemed to tense even more, as it always did whenever Sirius spoke about how his parents treated him. "And then I accused her of having something to do with the attack. She didn't like that either," Sirius continued to his other cheek. "She said that if I lived under her roof, I had to follow her rules and do what she said and not talk back. So I decided that I couldn't stay there. I went upstairs to pack, but our shouting had woken Regulus."

James winced. "What did he say?"

"He basically said that I was abandoning him by jumping ship. I tried to get him to come with me, but he said he liked living there," Sirius's face twisted at that. "I tried to get to get him to see that mother and father and our family were wrong about their opinions about the wizarding community, and muggleborns and whatever, but they've completely brainwashed him. Then we started arguing about his so-called 'beliefs'."

"What did you say?"

"I told him that he was incapable of independent thought."

James whistled. "I bet he didn't like that."

Sirius let out a laugh, but it wasn't joyful. "Nah, he didn't like that," Sirius said quietly.

"There was nothing else you could've done," James comforted him. "It's not your fault if Regulus decided not to come with you."

"I know," Sirius sighed. "But you should've heard the way he was talking. He actually believes all the crap that mother and father are spewing."

"He might not," James replied. "He might think he does, but might not in his heart."

Sirius snorted. "What heart?"

"So what are you going to do now?" James asked.

"I could live with Uncle Alphard."

"Don't be ridiculous. You're living with us," James replied. "I just meant what are you going to do when you see Regulus again? At school and whatever."

Sirius shrugged, and then paused. "Can I actually live with you?"

"'Course you can," James said, as if it was silly to suggest otherwise.

The door opened, revealing Remus Lupin. "Am I interrupting something?" he asked with a laugh.

"Nah," James said with a smile. "I was just telling Sirius how I get my hair so soft. He said it was plaguing on his mind."

Remus left out a laugh, "I'm sure." He paused. "How're you feeling?"

"I'm actually doing great," Sirius but in cheekily, flashing a grin.

"Brilliant," Remus said, also smiling. "Well, that's all I wanted to know," he said. "I'll see ye soon." With that, he turned and left the room.

James couldn't help himself; he burst into laughter. "Get in here, you idiot," he called.

Remus came back through the door, mischievous grin on his face. "How're you actually James?" he asked.

James shrugged. "Not amazing, but I'm okay. Any news?"

Remus shook his head. "The Daily Prophet has reported the Diagon Alley attack as an 'altercation'." James rolled his eyes, while Sirius sighed. "They say they haven't caught anyone responsible," Remus continued, "but I don't think The Daily Prophet is reliable in that aspect either."

"Surely they'd report if they caught someone though," Sirius frowned. "Wouldn't it make the Ministry look better? And keep public spirits up?"

Remus raised a shoulder and dropped it. "I'm not saying they wouldn't, but I wouldn't trust them. Anyway, I'm starving. Anyone wanna help me find some food?"

"I'll go with you," Sirius said, climbing off the bed.

"Bring me back some toast or something," James called at their retreating figures. "And tea, please?"

In response, Sirius held up his middle finger over his shoulder towards James. Just before the door shut after them, James could hear his mother scold Sirius lightly, which made him laugh again. A few seconds later, Euphemia Potter swept into the room, followed by Fleamont.

"How're you doing darling?" she asked, lowering herself gracefully into the chair Sirius had slept in.

"I've been better," James offered. "Have the Healers said anything?"

"They're going to keep you in for a bit longer, just to run a few tests," Euphemia replied.

James sighed and flopped back onto his back. "I'm going to go crazy."

"I know, dear," Euphemia said soothingly.

"They said they're going to do a small bit of physio with you today," Fleamont said, "make sure you can walk and all."

"That's good, isn't it?" James asked.

"That _is _good," Fleamont confirmed.

"The Daily Prophet isn't reporting much," James said, with fake nonchalance.

Euphemia scoffed. "The Ministry doesn't want people to panic," she said. "They seem to think ignorance is bliss. Which is ridiculous. If people don't know that they need to protect themselves, they're in even _more _danger."

"So what's _actually_ been happening?" James asked eagerly.

"Some of my old colleagues have told me that they've brought in a few people for questioning, but that they're denying everything," Euphemia replied.

Euphemia Potter had been a brilliant auror, and had been Head of the Auror's Department before she retired a few years ago. She never hid her disdain for her replacement, a man bent on keeping the public happy rather than safe.

"How many-" James's words got lodged in his throat. "How many casualties were there?"

"Seventeen dead," Euphemia said grimly. "Around 50 injured."

"And they're just covering it up?" James asked incredulously.

Euphemia sighed, as if that had been her thoughts exactly. "Pretty much," she said.

"How are _you,_ dad?" James asked, eager to change the topic.

"I'm fine," Fleamont smiled. "A bit bruised, but otherwise grand. Your mother and I assisted in the clean up at Diagon Alley."

"How did that go?"

"There's still quite a bit of work to do," Fleamont replied, "but it's going good."

"Listen..." James hesitated. "Sirius went back to that house. Alone."

"What? When?" Euphemia asked, horrified. Sirius usually took James with him when he went back to the house, and he spent most of his time at the Potter's.

"Last night," James grimaced. "When I was asleep."

Euphemia's hand covered her gaping mouth as she stared, speechless. "What happened?" Fleamont asked, also clearly worried.

"It wasn't pretty, from what he told me," James said, wincing. "He was basically kicked out. I told him he could live with us, I just wanted to make sure that was okay with you two."

"Of course!" Euphemia said immediately.

"He's our second son," Fleamont confirmed.

"He also had a run-in with Regulus," James continued, smiling at his parent's support. "Regulus has seemed to side with his parents indefinitely. Sirius tried to get him to leave as well, but Reg wasn't having any of it."

"That family," Euphemia trailed off, shaking her head. "It's a wonder I don't slap them every time I see them."

James laughed. "I'm the same."

"That poor boy," Fleamont said, mouth twisted downward. "He had no idea what poison they're feeding him."

"Sirius tried to show him that they were brainwashing him, but Reg was not having it."

"Is Sirius okay?" Euphemia asked.

"He's a little bruised. A cut on his cheek. And he's also a bit shaken, but for the most part he's okay, I think."

Fleamont nodded. "That's the main thing. As long as he's okay."

"Thank you," James whispered, after a pause.

"He means a lot to us too," Euphemia replied, voice also low.

The door opened again, effectively breaking the spell. "I got you tea," Remus said to James. "And Sirius has a croissant for you. Hey Monty and Euphemia, how are ye?" he asked, handing James his tea.

"I'm good Remus, thanks for asking. How are you?"

"I'm alright. Sirius is coming along in a second, he's just having a hard time carrying everything."

"And you didn't think to help him?" James asked, laughing.

"Nah. Builds character," Remus replied.

The door was kicked open, and Sirius walked in, arms full. "Remus, you absolute-" he cut himself off, noticing that Euphemia and Fleamont were in the room.

"No, finish your sentence Sirius," Euphemia said, the edges of her mouth curling mischievously. "What is Remus?"

That set Remus, James and Fleamont off into peals of laughter.


	7. Give 'em hell, give 'em teeth

**Chapter 7**

**Give 'em hell, give 'em teeth**

_No holds barred in the ring so you'll fight me._

_Give 'em hell, give 'em teeth, like you taught me._

_Tireless mess, seeking thrills, getting bitey_

_When I'm in doubt._

_**Buttercup, Hippo Campus**_

The rest of the summer went both fast and quick at the same time. James usually loved the holidays in between school, but this time it was a lot more boring than usual. Instead of playing quidditch, or going exploring the woods behind James's house with his friends, or any form of physical activity,

James was kept to his bed for the most part.

His parents were eager to do all they could to ensure James's recovery was successful, as were James and his friends, but he wished he had a bit more freedom. He went on walks around the garden every morning and night as part of the recovery, either with one of his parents or his friends. He enjoyed these, as it was a nice way to ask about each other's day, but he was not allowed to go walking in the woods, for fear that the ground would be to uneven for his leg.

It kind of sucked, but James was determined not to complain too much. It was a done thing now, his injured leg, so he may as well try to get on with it. He went to physio twice a week in the hospital, and walked with his cane all the time.

"Will it effect Prongs, do you reckon?" Sirius asked, one night, as he, James and Remus were doing walking laps of the Potter's rather large garden.

"I don't know," James said, wonderingly. "I hadn't thought of that. I'm guessing it probably will though."

"Are you getting used to the cane?" Remus asked then.

"I am but I don't want to, if that makes sense. Like, I'm glad I have the cane, it really helps take the weight off my right leg. But I don't want to be reliant on it. If we get back to Hogwarts and I still have to use the cane, people will start asking questions."

"Why don't you just tell them what really happened?" Sirius asked, like it was obvious.

"At first, it was just because I don't want the hassle. Then, I don't know, I guess I don't want to be showing this weakness. Which I know is stupid," James added, flustered. "I know it's dumb, but I couldn't help it."

"And now?" Remus prompted.

"The Ministry is trying so hard to cover the attack up. Which is not the right way to go about it in my opinion, but I'm worried that if I do, you know, show back up to school with a cane, and people ask questions, and if I tell them what happened, that I'll get into trouble with the Ministry."

"Since when did you care about getting in trouble?" Sirius asked teasingly. James just gave him a look. "I'm joking. And I get what you mean," Sirius added. "All of it, even the 'weakness' part."

James smiled gratefully. "Are you settled in okay?" he asked.

"I mean, I was practically living here anyway. So it's not that much of a change," Sirius shrugged. "But it's official now."

The train whistle was loud when it blew to give people a five minute warning; James winced at the sound. After spending the last month stuck inside with only a few people for company, it was a stark contrast to Platform Nine and Three Quarters on the first of September. The cane had been packed into his trunk, stored at the bottom, and James was working hard to conceal his limp.

"Wormy!" Sirius called out from beside James. James turned, and sure enough, there was Peter, making his way towards them. James's face broke out into a grin. It had been a while since he had seen Peter, and he had missed his company.

"Hey, how was Italy?" James asked, once Peter had arrived in front of him.

"Oh it was great! We stayed in Verona, and there was this big Colosseum and it was really cool," Peter said excitedly.

"Lucky!" James groaned. "And you've gone and gotten a good tan."

Peter stuck out his arm rather proudly, rolling up his right jumper sleeve. "You're always tanned," Peter pointed out, comparing their arms.

"That's just my complexion," James replied, staring down at his left arm. "You actually got a tan."

"How was your summer?" Peter asked, glancing over to where Sirius was talking to Euphemia and Fleamont.

"It had it's ups and downs," James said, shrugging. "I'll tell you about it when we're on the train." The train whistle blew again, a final call to board, so James went back to his parents to say a last goodbye.

"Take care of yourself James," his mother said to him, and he found himself nodding.

"Use your cane if you need to," Fleamont chimed in. "And damn anybody who says anything."

James grinned. "Thank you, I will. I'll see you soon. Love you."

"Love you too," his parents smiled back.

James and Sirius picked up their trunks and boarded the train. They found a compartment easy enough, since they always sat in the same one. Remus and Peter joined them a minute later, so they put their trunks up high and got settled in.

"Did you hear about the thing in Diagon Alley?" Peter asked. "The Daily Prophet's saying nothing, but I think there was an attack." The other boys traded glances, which Peter caught. "What?" he asked.

"We were there," Remus said. "There _was _an attack."

"Oh." Peter's eyes had gone wide and his mouth formed a small 'o' shape. "Is that why you're limping?" he asked James.

"You noticed?" James winced.

"It wasn't super obvious, or anything," Peter replied, "but I did notice."

"You always notice," James smiled back. "But yeah, I did get injured. Some sort of curse that cut my leg three times and infected it with dark magic." He rolled up his pants leg, showing Peter the bottom two cuts. "There's another one here," he said, pointing to his thigh.

"Does it hurt a lot?" Peter wondered.

"Today especially, since I'm not using my cane."

"Cane? You need a cane?" James nodded. "What are you going to tell everyone?" Peter asked.

"I haven't figured that out," James admitted.

"What if we just tell everyone a different story every time they ask?" Sirius offered.

"We could make them more ridiculous every time," Remus agreed.

"That could work," James said, slow smile growing on his face. "It would be a good prank as well. We could be like 'oh, he's after injuring himself when he was thrown from a hippogriff', or 'he needs to focus on his future career in basket weaving'."

"Exactly," Remus said enthusiastically. "That way we-"

"You doing a strip tease for us Potter? I'm afraid we're going to have to refuse on the grounds that I don't want to lose my breakfast," a voice drawled from the carriage door.

James, who was in the middle of carefully rolling down his pants leg, shoved his pants leg down, trying to ignore the hiss of pain in his leg. "I was just showing Peter a particularly colourful bruise I got over the holidays," James lied easily.

Avery and Snape stood at the door of their carriage, which would be an unpleasant sight most days, but James was drained and in pain, and had been hoping to last at least a few days without running into or having an incident with one of that group.

"Heard you got kicked out," Snape said conversationally to Sirius, who stiffened. "What, your mother finally got sick of your ugly face and got some sense into her? It's a miracle you lasted so long in that house anyway, from what Regulus tells me," Snape said casually, while picking at his nails.

The mention of Regulus seemed to do it, because all of a sudden, Sirius was on his feet. "How about you shut your greasy face before I make you," he threatened.

"Sirius," Remus warned.

"'Sirius'," Avery mocked. "Listen to your pet, Black," he said.

While Remus didn't seem outwardly upset at this remark, Sirius's jaw tensed and James could tell something bad was going to happen. "Say that again," Sirius said, voice deathly quiet.

Snape and Avery laughed, either not seeming to sense the danger they were in, or not caring. "I said 'listen to your pet, Black'," Avery repeated, a small bit louder and slower.

James could see what was about to happen right before it did. Sirius's right arm pulled back and rushed forward to punch Avery right in the nose, knocking him out of the carriage. Instantly, Snape's wand was out and pointed at Sirius. A second later, both Avery and Sirius had their wands out, all three of them now out in the corridor. By now, people were sticking their heads out from various carriages, in order to see what was about to go down.

James sighed before hauling himself off his seat and out into the corridor. "Lads, can we calm down please?" he asked tiredly.

Snape laughed. "Too much for you Potter?" he mocked.

"We're not even back at the castle yet," James pointed out. "It's literally the first day back. Can we do this another day?"

"James," Sirius began arguing. "You heard what they said about Moony."

"Yes, and I don't agree with them," James replied. "But Moony doesn't seem to care and I don't want to deal with whatever is about to happen."

"You scared Potter?" Avery asked, sneering. "Know we're too good for you?" Avery's nose was bleeding heavily now.

James let out a laugh. "You wish. But I'm serious. Can we not do this on the first day?"

"I don't remember when you became the boss of us," Snape said. "You may control your friends like you're some _captain, _or whatever, but you're not in charge of us. You can't shove us about."

James flinched at the word 'captain', and for a second he wondered if Snape and Avery knew that he had been made Quidditch Captain, but quickly dismissed that thought. They only people he had told were Remus and Sirius, as well as his parents, and he gave up the badge only a few hours later.

The four boys stared at each other, neither side backing down. James didn't want a fight, but if he broke eye contact or faced away, there was a good chance one of them would hit him with a curse as soon as he turned his back. Besides, Sirius would not appreciate it, and Snape and Avery would probably hold it over his head for Merlin knows how long, just to humiliate.

Then, in a flash, Avery's wand moved and James reacted. "Protego!" he shouted, at the same time as Avery shouted "Crucio!"

Most Shield Charms were useless against the Crucio curse, unless the shield was particularly powerful, or the crucio curse particularly weak. James didn't know which one occured, nor did he really care. All he knew was that the curse never made it past James's Shield Charm, leaving James and Sirius uninjured. James staggered back as the curse hit his shield, landing awkwardly on his backside.

James didn't know what to do now. Now that the fight had started, he was an unwilling participant. He wanted to keep Sirius from doing too much damage, in case it got him into more trouble than he could handle. But he had to stop himself from getting hurt, especially with his recovering leg. James also knew that the fight wasn't going to end itself unless someone got seriously hurt, or a teacher came along.

With that thought in mind, James turned to the nearest head which was peaking out from the carriage on his right. It was a Hufflepuff girl, about two years younger than him, who was in a carriage with another Hufflepuff house member, as well as a Ravenclaw and a Slytherin, all girls.

"Get a Head Student," James said to her, concentrating on keeping his shield up for just a bit longer, "or a Prefect. Just get someone who can stop this. Please."

The Hufflepuff nodded, slipped out of the carriage and hurried off down the corridor behind James. Keeping his Shield Charm up, James turned back and faced towards the two Slytherin boys

who still had their wands up.


	8. I will try better

**Chapter 8**

**I will try better**

_And I found a change,_

_But the fact still remains,_

_That no one can change my past._

_Yeah. I will try better._

_**Badman, Dan Caplen**_

"What the hell is going on here?"

James closed his eyes in defeat at the sound of Lily Evans's voice. If it had been any other Prefect, they might've been okay, but Lily was not exactly fond of any of the four who had been involved. Feeling like it was safe to do so, James dropped his Shield Charm and twisted around to face her.

Lily Evans was a girl of average height, with dark red hair that spilled down past her shoulders and most of the way down her back. Her green eyes were bright and often commented upon, and she had very pleasant facial features.

She was not wearing a pleasant expression.

"A student came to me and told me that there was fighting going on in the middle or the corridor?" she voiced the sentence like a question, despite already knowing the answer. "Why am I not surprised that the four of you are involved? Anyone care to explain what happened?"

"Black just punched me," Avery accused, pointing to his bleeding nose. "So I drew my wand in self-defence. Neither of them are hurt; we didn't injure them."

Lily scanned the four boys, taking in the fact that apart from James being on the floor, neither of the Gryffindor boys were hurt. "Why did you punch him Black?"

"He was saying stuff," Sirius muttered. Unlike Avery, he wasn't one to rat.

"He was saying stuff?" Lily repeated incredulously. James winced. "Merlin Black, if we all went around punching people who 'said stuff', there'd be no common decency left in the world. What happened to you?" she asked, directing her question at James.

"I fell," James replied, making sure to maintain eye contact, so she wouldn't think he was lying. Which he technically wasn't.

"You fell? Were you pushed?" she asked.

"No," James said.

Lily eyed them all suspiciously, knowing there was more to the story then they were letting on. "Follow me," was all she said. "You're all sitting up in the front carriage with me."

Avery and Snape pushed past the others, and made their way up on their own, knowing that objecting, or not following Lily's orders, would only get them into more trouble. Sirius reached a hand out to James and helped pull him up, while Lily watched on, part curious, part frustrated.

"Would you just lean on me for support?" she heard Sirius hiss from behind her.

"That'll looks suspicious," James murmured back, while Lily did her best to listen in and simultaneously make it look like she wasn't listening in.

"And what did Monty say before we left? Damn those people, right?" Lily frowned, completely lost. Behind her, James sighed. "Ha! I know that sigh," Sirius continued gleefully. "That means you know I'm right!"

Lily glanced behind her, trying to make it look casual. James had his right arm resting on Sirius's left shoulder, but upon closer inspection, she could see that he was using Sirius as a sort of crutch. She turned back quickly, frowning. They reached the front carriage, where Avery and Snape were already sitting on one bench. She stepped to the side to allow James and Sirius in first, before following them in, leaving the door open.

James sat by the window, with Sirius on his left hand side. Lily paused for half a second, before sitting down next to Avery, across from James. She was mad at both sets of boys, but did not feel comfortable sitting next to Sirius if it meant facing Snape.

Next to her, Snape and Avery were whispering to each other and laughing quietly. Lily couldn't be bothered to try and listen in, despite them being the only real noise in the carriage. Sirius and James were silent, James staring out the window in deep concentration.

Since he was right across from her, she couldn't help but study him. He had gotten taller, she had noticed, which was hard since he had been tall already. His hair was slightly shorter then she remembered, which made sense because a lot of people got their hair cut before going back to school. He was already dressed in his school clothes, despite the journey only starting a small while ago; his top shirt button was untied, his tie loosened and his shirt sleeves were rolled up. He reached his left hand up and shoved it into his hair, leaving it there for a moment, before dropping his arm again, his concentration focused on the window outside.

After James apologised for his part in the fight between him, Snape and Lily after the DADA O.W.L. exam, she and James had remained on slightly better terms, and she had been hoping that they could get on a bit better this year, but he was already after getting into a fight with Snape and Avery before they had even arrived at the school. Lily shook her head, thinking.

When they pulled into the station, Lily allowed them to go back to the carriages to get their trunks, telling them to meet her at the last thestral carriage so she could keep an eye of them. James made his way down the Hogwarts Express, telling Remus and Peter he'd see them later, before making his way down the train corridor with Sirius in tow; that way they could make it down to the last thestral carriage without having to fight through the crowd on the station platform.

He stepped of the train, eyes on his trunk to make sure it didn't hit off anything. He looked up and stopped short. "Can you see them too?" Sirius asked from next to him.

"Diagon Alley," James said after a second. "17 dead."

There was a sharp intake of breath from Sirius and James knew how he felt. He had learned about thestrals in Fifth Year during Care of Magical Creatures, but he had never seen them until now.

"Are you two going to just stand there?" Lily called, standing next to their carriage, Snape and Avery already inside. James and Sirius began walking towards the carriage, but James stopped to give the thestral an awkward pat.

"You can see them?" Lily asked, Sirius already having climbed in.

"Yeah," James replied, his voice slightly hoarse. "Can you?" Lily shook her head and regarded him with a pity of sorts, so he climbed into the carriage. It was kind of squished, with James pressed between Sirius and Lily, but the ride was over soon.

When the arrived at the castle Professor McGonagall, the head of Gryffindor house pulled the five of them aside. "Why did I get an owl from Miss Evans informing me that you four had gotten into a fight on board the Hogwarts Express?" she asked, Scottish accent stern. None of the four boys answered her, so she sighed angrily and told them to follow her. In her office, she sat at her desk, the five standing opposite her. "Please tell me what happened Miss Evans."

"I'm not really sure," Lily admitted. "A Fourth Year Hufflepuff found me and told me that the four boys were fighting in the corridor. I followed her, and found Potter on the floor, and all of their wands drawn. I made them sit with me in a carriage up front for the rest of the journey, and we all travelled in the same Thestral carriage to the castle."

"Thank you Miss Evans. 20 points to Gryffindor for how you handled the incident. You may go."

"Thanks Professor," Lily replied quietly, before leaving.

"What was the student's name, the Hufflepuff?" McGonagall asked the four remaining students.

"I'm not sure Professor. I never asked her name," James replied.

McGonagall stared at him quizzically. "Did you ask her to get Miss Evans?" she asked after a second.

"Yes Professor."

"And why did you do that?"

"I was hoping to stop the fight," James replied honestly.

McGonagall leaned back in her seat and stared at him again, frowning. She looked at the other three boys, before her eyes landed back on James. "Miss Evans said you were on the floor?"

"I fell," James answered, hand reaching up to card through his hair.

"You fell?" McGonagall asked, eyebrows raising up towards her hairline.

"I- er- cast a Shield Charm and the force of it knocked me over," James admitted.

"Someone tell me what happened," McGonagall said, rubbing hand over her eyes. "Mister Black?"

"Snape and Avery came into our carriage," Sirius began, "said some stuff about my family."

"What did they say about your family?"

"Snape said that they'd heard I'd been kicked out," Sirius responded, raising his head in defiance, as if daring her to comment. McGonagall's face remained impasive, but her eyes showed her surprise. "They said it was about time. I got mad and told them to shut up. Remus tried to stop me, and then Avery said 'listen to your pet'. So I got even madder."

McGonagall turned to the two Slytherin students, one eyebrow raised. "Is this true?" she asked them.

"Not at all Professor," Snape said smoothly.

McGonagall turned back to Sirius, who looked even more angry. James beside him was frowning in disbelief. "Carry on Mister Black. I'll ask you two your side in a minute," she said to Avery and Snape when they went to interject.

"I dared him to repeat it, and when he did, I punched him." McGonagall studied the blood below Avery's nose, before nodding at Sirius to continue his story. "The three of us were out in the corridor now-"

"The three of you?" McGonagall asked sharply.

"James was still sitting in our carriage, but he got up and came out to the corridor. He asked us not to start fighting, as we hadn't even gotten to the school yet. Told us to calm down." McGonagall studied James again, which left him fidgeting. "Then Avery went to cast a spell, so James put up a Shield Charm. That's when he was knocked to the ground."

"What spell did Mister Avery cast?"

"Crucio, Professor," Sirius replied, looking the teacher in the eye.

She didn't flinch, but it was clear that this revelation shocked her. "Is this true, Mister Avery?"

"I promise you, it's not," Avery answered.

"Potter, Avery, your wands please?" McGonagall asked, holding her hands out. James handed his over without hesitation; Avery was not as willing. She performed 'Prior Incantatem' on both of the wands and found Sirius's story to be true. "Snape, Avery. You are both in really big trouble, and we will talk tomorrow about punishment. 100 points from Slytherin _each_ and tomorrow, you, Professor Slughorn, Professor Dumbledore and I are going to be having a serious conversation about your future here at this school Avery. You are both dismissed. Your wand is confiscated until tomorrow Avery."

When the two boys had left the room, McGonagall turned to the two remaining. "Black. You too will be punished accordingly, and I am forced to take a 100 points off of Gryffindor for your behaviour. That means that our house is starting off the term with negative points. Understand that I am not happy about that, and that you better start behaving yourself. You are also dismissed."

Sirius swiftly left her office, leaving James and McGonagall behind. "James, you may take a seat." she paused, studying him once again. "Have a biscuit Potter," was all she said, pushing the box towards him. He quietly took a custard cream and chewed it slowly. "Is what Black said true?" she asked.

James nodded. "As far as I'm aware anyway."

"What you did was right. So for that, I'm awarding you 50 points."

"Thank you Professor."

"How did your Shield Charm stop the Crucio Curse?"

"I'm not sure," James admitted. "It was probably a weak curse."

"Or a strong shield," she noted. There was a pause. "How is your leg?"

"It wasn't that good today, 'cause I wasn't using my cane. It's after getting worse because I fell."

Her face softened. "Tell me if you need anything."

"Thank you Professor."

"You're free to go," she told him. He silently pulled himself out of the chair, relying heavily on the harm of the chair to do so. His face scrunched in pain, while Professor McGonagall watched on sadly.


	9. Roll your eyes at the tough bits

**Chapter 9**

**Roll your eyes at the tough bits**

_Roll your eyes at the tough bits,_

_Try to change but do nothing._

_I won't sleep if it's your bed,_

_Stay up, talk with me instead._

_**Roll Ur Eyes, Ceres**_

James slipped into the hall practically unnoticed. The Sorting Ceremony was already over and the feast had begun, meaning people were talking and James was able to not draw attention to himself. The other three Marauders were sitting near the top of the table, so James had to limp all the way up along the table to reach them. He tried his best to hide it, and for the most part nobody paid attention, but as he passed Lily Evans and her group, he saw her watching him with hawk eyes, paying particular attention to his right leg. He ignored her, and reached his friends, taking a seat next to Peter.

"McGonagall give you hell?" Remus, who was across from James, asked, smirking.

"Took 100 points off me," Sirius began, groaning. "And I'll be getting detentions."

"So Gryffindor are starting off with minus 100 points?" Peter asked, aghast.

"Minus 80," Sirius corrected. "Evans got 20 points for stopping the fight."

"Minus 30," James said. "She gave me 50 points."

Sirius gaped. "What for?"

"For trying to stop the fight, you git," James replied, getting kind of annoyed.

"That's hardly fair! I get docked 100 points, and you're given 50! We were both involved in the fight."

"Yeah, but you punched Avery, while I protected us from a Crucio Curse with my Shield Charm," James pointed out, irritated.

Sensing that James was getting annoyed with him, Sirius asked Remus and Peter about the rest of their journey, leaving James to eat in peace. He chewed slowly on a piece of roast chicken, staring down at his plate, thinking. Sensing eyes on him, he glanced up to find Lily Evans staring at him with a thoughtful expression on her face. James offered her a half smile, too distracted to be bothered by her curiosity. The fact that Avery had used the Crucio Curse with the intent to hurt either him or Sirius had not passed James, and it worried him a lot.

James didn't eat a lot for dinner, finding himself to be not as hungry as usual. After dinner, he walked slowly out of the hall, Peter kindly offering his shoulder as a crutch of sorts. "Sorry Wormy," James apologised quietly.

"It's alright, I don't mind," Peter said cheerfully.

"Any more news from holidays?" James asked. "I'm so jealous you went to Italy."

Peter opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, he was interrupted by Lily Evans. "Sorry Peter, I was wondering if I could talk to Potter for a minute?"

"I'll tell you later," Peter said with a smile, clapping James on the shoulder.

Knowing that Lily would probably notice, but not caring anyway, James transferred most of his weight to his left leg, even though the Healers had told him not to do that too often, as his left leg would become sore with the extra weight. "What's up Evans?" he asked, attempting a smile.

"What the hell was that on the train?" she asked, all politeness out the window.

"Excuse me?"

"I thought that after last year, you'd have a bit more sense, maybe get into less fights. But you've gotten into one before the term has even started!"

"No offence Evans, but you weren't there, you didn't see what went on."

"It doesn't matter what they said or whatever, but you didn't have to retaliate," Lily replied.

James narrowed his eyes. "That's not what I was getting at. I _wasn't _fighting."

Lily scoffed. "Come off it Potter. I found you on the floor, with your wand out-"

"With a shield up," James interrupted. "I was trying to stop the fight, when Avery threw an Unforgivable Curse my way. So I put up a Shield Charm, but I wasn't fighting."

Lily stared at him, mouth agape. "He did what?" she whispered.

"He attempted to use the Cruciatus Curse on me," James repeated, bolder now, because he was angry too.

Lily's hand covered her mouth as she stared at him for a moment, before snapping back to herself. "If he doesn't get expelled, I swear to Merlin I will kill him myself."

James laughed, but it came out slightly bitter. "McGonagall said she was going to have a stern talk with him about the future at this school."

"Is that why the Slytherins are on minus 200 points?"

James nodded. "100 each. Sirius got the same treatment."

"And you?"

"McGonagall gave me 50 points for trying to stop the fight."

"Right. And I suppose it was you who told that Hufflepuff to get me?" James nodded again. "Okay. Okay. Right. Well, I'm sorry for giving out to you before I knew all the facts," Lily said, staring down at the floor."

"Ah it's alright Evans," James replied, raising a shoulder and dropping it again. "Now I need to get back to the tower so I can toss Sirius out the window."

Lily laughed, and fell into step with James. She glanced over at him as they walked in silence, before speaking up. "You can, er-" she cleared her throat. "You can lean on me if you need to," she offered.

"You sure?" he asked. Lily nodded, so James put his right arm on her left shoulder, trying not to dig in too much.

"What happened to you?" she asked curiously.

"I twisted my knee or something, when I fell," he lied. "It should be grand soon."

Lily nodded, and they walked in silence for another minute. "You can put your full weight on me, if you need to," she said.

"Are you sure? I'm heavier than I look," James warned.

"You may be tall, but you're as skinny as a bean pole," Lily teased, digging her elbow into his side.

"Hey! Watch it Evans," he replied, swatting her hand away.

"Sorry Potter," she said, not sounding very sorry at all. "But seriously, lean on me properly."

"Alright," James said, doing so. Immediately, he sighed in relief, as it took the pressure away from his left leg. "Thanks Evans."

"No problem."

It was in companionable silence that they made their way back to the tower.

When they reached the Common Room, they split off, James once again thanking Lily for letting him use her as a crutch. He limped up the steps to his dorm, opening the door and collapsing onto his bed.

"Where were you?" Remus asked, amused, obviously knowing from Peter where he had been.

"I was with Lily," James replied, determined not to rise to the bait.

Sirius waggled his eyebrows. "Oh? What were you two talking about?"

"Well, she started by giving me a right ear full for fighting with Avery and Snape," James replied, growing angry with Sirius.

Sirius gaped. "The nerve!"

"Yeah," James said, glaring at Sirius. "It was you she should've been giving out to."

"What? I didn't use an Unforgivable Curse on Avery or Snape! It's them she should've been ripping into."

"You punched Avery!" James pointed out on disbelief. "You could've ignored them and not let them get a rise out of you, but instead you punched Avery!" He was standing now.

Sirius scoffed. "Like you haven't wanted to punch Avery!"

"Of course I've wanted to punch Avery!" James was verging on shouting now. "But I haven't!"

"You punched Snape in Third Year!"

"And I regret that," James responded. "Plus it was over two years ago."

"You only regret that because Lily got mad at you for it."

James's jaw tensed. "I regret that because it was the wrong thing to do. I regret a lot of things that I've done. You, of all people, know this."

"Well, what was I supposed to do, let them say that crap about Remus?"

"Yes! I know it was awful and I don't agree with them at all, but if Remus can keep his head about it, then so can you. They only said it to get a reaction from you, and they got what they wanted. They are going to keep saying awful stuff about us, or you, or your family if they think it's going to get you to react. They'll get bored if you just ignore them. If you react, or fight with them, it's _you_ who's going to get into the most trouble."

Neither of them said anything, before Sirius spoke up quietly. "I don't like it."

James sighed, tired. "I don't either. But if you ever need something to remind you not to react, just remember that any letters on your misbehaviour will be sent to Mum and Dad now instead."

Sirius stiffened. "I hadn't thought of that."

James smiled a little sadly. "It'll be fine. Sort it out with McGonagall tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yeah," Sirius replied, smiling back.

James flopped back onto his bed, stretching out his leg. Remus and Peter, who had been awkwardly putting away their clothes, sat down on their own beds. "Is your leg okay James?" Peter asked worriedly.

James shrugged. "It'll be fine. It just hurts because I fell. And because I wasn't using my cane today."

"You should use it tomorrow," Sirius told him.

"I should, but I probably won't," James laughed.

"Did you tell Lily that you weren't involved with the fight?" Remus asked.

"Yeah. I told her that I had only pulled out my wand to cast a Shield Charm because Avery attempted to use the Cruciatus Curse."

"What did she say to that?" Sirius asked eagerly.

"Said that if Avery didn't get expelled, she'd murder him herself."

The other boys laughed. "I have a half-mind to myself," Sirius muttered. James raised an eyebrow at him, causing Sirius to lift his hands in surrender. "I know, I know. I won't actually, but Merlin, would I love to."

"Surely something is going to happen to him?" Peter asked anxiously.

"McGonagall said they're going to have a 'serious talk about his future at the school'," James replied, "which I seriously hope means he gets expelled, but..." he trailed off, shrugging.

"He better," Sirius said darkly.

"Will you get my cane from my trunk, one of you?" James asked from his bed, "I'm too lazy to get up." That wasn't the real reason, of course, but no one mentioned that as Peter dug through James's trunk to pull it out. "Thanks Pete, you're a star," James said, sitting up. Using the cane, he pulled himself up off the bed. James hauled himself into the bathroom for a quick shower to ease his muscles. He brushed his teeth and changed into his pyjamas, staring down at his scars for a few seconds. He then exited the bathroom and did his physio stretches, while the others dutifully ignored him.

James then threw himself onto his bed, and burrowed under the covers, in an attempt to trick his mind into falling asleep. It didn't work. Often, he found his body to be worn out and his mind racing at a million miles an hour, and it seemed like this night would follow that pattern.

He still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that Avery had used the Cruciatus Curse. James wasn't naive- he knew they were at the beginning of a war. He had been at Diagon Alley, he had gotten _injured_ at Diagon Alley, by a Death Eater, for Merlin's sake. But Avery was only James's age; he was still in _school_. And he had used, or attempted to use, the _Cruciat__u__s Curse_. Instead of falling asleep, James's mind repeated this in various different ways, and tones, and words.

James rolled over again, sure that if he got comfortable, he would eventually fall asleep, while also knowing that it never worked like that. His right leg felt so worn out it ached, and his backside was also kind of sore from when he had fallen, and his eyes were straining to stay open, and yet his mind ran in circles.

That night, his brain replayed scenes from the attack in Diagon Alley, and James saw that silver flash of light on loop. He finally fell into a fitful sleep, waking sporadically during the night, one time from a flare of pain so bad, he bit the end of his tongue to stop from screaming and waking the others. But he was safe.


	10. See our friends, see the sights feel

**Chapter 10**

**See our friends, see the sights; feel alright**

_We are young, we run green;_

_Keep our teeth nice and clean;_

_See our friends, see the sights;_

_Feel alright._

_**Alright, Supergrass**_

When James woke up that morning, he was pleasantly surprised to find that his leg was not nearly as bad as it had been the day before. He used his cane to go to the bathroom, and to move around as he continued with his morning routine. He wasn't a massive 'early riser', but he always got up before the others, mainly because they were, in his opinion, lazy slobs, but also because it meant he could take his time in the bathroom, washing his face, brushing his teeth and usually showering, without Sirius banging on the door for him to get out. He woke the others up when he got out of the bathroom, before sorting his bag, making his bed and getting changed.

The swelling in his cuts had gone down a small bit, but James knew that this was no indication of anything, as they could swell up again in a few days. By the time he was ready, Remus was out of the bathroom, and Peter was changed into his uniform. James smiled at the fact that their habits hadn't been altered one bit. Sirius dragged himself out of his bed and into the bathroom, while Remus got changed and Peter sorted his books and bed. Everything ran like clockwork, the same as it had for years, and this gave James more comfort than he expected it to.

James sat on his bed and did his stretches, watching as Peter got impatient and shouted at Sirius to get out of the bathroom 'because he still had to use it and they were going to be late to breakfast for Merlin's sake'.

When the four of them finally made it down to the Great Hall for breakfast, Sirius made a show of being shocked at how early it was, because, despite Peter's fretting, they were never late for breakfast. This morning in particular, there were more people up than was usual, due to it being the first day of school.

James and his friends slotted into seats near the middle of the long Gryffindor table, chatting about what classes they'd have together and which ones they'd have with the other houses.

"Potions with the Slytherins," Sirius said as they sat down. "It has to happen. It's been happening for the past five years."

"I agree," Remus said nodding. "We always manage to be stuck with them somehow."

"Nah," James shook his head. "We're beginning the study for our N.E.W.T.s. not everyone will have picked Potions, so there's a big chance we'll have students from all of the houses in, like, one class."

"I hadn't actually thought of that," Sirius said, nodding. "Makes sense. Pass the toast, will you Moons?"

McGonagall swept down the aisle to them, handing them their timetables, so they took time out to compare; James was happy to see that he shared at least one class with each of his friends. They swapped timetables for another few minutes, seeing which days were the best and which were the worst, and who had the best timetable and who had the worst.

The boys were quiet for a small while, too busy eating to talk, but they were distracted when the owls arrived for the morning post. A copy of the Daily Prophet landed on the table in front of Remus, who picked it up for inspection.

"You can't seriously be reading that?" Sirius asked in disgust.

"Mum said they're not reporting any of the important stuff, 'cause the Ministry told them not to," James added. A letter landed in front of James, his name written on it in his mother's scratchy handwriting. "Speaking of which," James said, opening the letter. He finished it a moment later, and put it down on the table with a sigh.

"What did she say?" Sirius asked.

"Said that the Ministry had brought in another person for questioning, but they're not talking either.

"Who?"

James pursed his lips. "Bellatrix."

Sirius's eyebrows shot into his hairline, but returned moments later. "What a brat."

James couldn't help but laugh at Sirius's description of his cousin. "Think she's involved?"

Sirius scoffed. "I'd be more surprised if they weren't, she and that idiot husband of hers."

"The Daily Prophet reporting anything?" Peter asked.

"Nah," Remus replied, shaking the paper closed. "They haven't said anything about Diagon Alley at all."

"What's this about Diagon Alley?" Lily Evans asked, sitting down next to James.

"We were just talking about the so-called incident that happened in Diagon Alley a few months ago. There's nothing in the paper about it," Remus answered, leaning over James to hand the Prophet to Lily.

She scanned the newspaper, eyebrows furrowed, before handing it back. "That happened a month ago, though. It was only a small incident, wasn't it?" James scoffed, Peter coughed, Sirius snorted and even Remus's eyebrows quirked. Lily stared at them for a moment. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm missing something?" she asked slowly.

"My mum used to work in the Ministry," James began explaining. "She said that it might've been more than an 'incident'. They've even brought people in for questioning."

"So what brings you to our neck of the woods Evans?" Sirius asked. "Couldn't stay away from me, could you?"

"Just wanted to see whether Potter actually threw you out of the window last night or not," she replied, smirking. "It's disappointing to see that he didn't."

"You were going to throw me out the window last night?" Sirius asked in an exaggerated hurt voice, holding both hands to his heart.

James shrugged, a smile on his face, one eyebrow lifting. "I contemplated it."

"Oooo, 'contemplated'. That's a big word," Lily teased.

James attempted a glare at her, but it didn't last more than two seconds. "So what _does _bring you to our neck of the woods, Evans?"

"None of my friends are down yet, thought I might as well spend some time with you guys," she said with an innocent look of her face.

"I'm hurt," all Marauders replied in unison, simultaneously raising a hand to their heart.

Lily stared at them. "That was scarily weird." They sent her matching mischievous smiles. "Okay, just stop it now," she said, shutting her eyes and scrunching up her nose. The Marauders laughed, and went back to eating their breakfast. Lily took this as her opportunity and turned to her left to face James.

"You okay?" he asked, also turning to face her.

"I just, uh, wanted to apologise again for giving out to you yesterday. It wasn't fair of me, because I didn't know the whole story," she said nervously.

James waived his hand dismissively. "It's fine Evans."

"It's not. And I'm sorry. It's just that I'm Prefect, and I thought it was my place to tell you off, and it wasn't and I'm sorry."

James smiled at her. "It's _fine, _Evans," he laughed. "As long as you don't do it again," he teased.

"Don't pull anything stupid and I won't have to," she joked back. "How's your leg?"

"It's mostly back to normal," James replied. "I'm sure it'll be perfect in a few days."

"Just in time for Quidditch trials," Lily said, smiling. "Marlene made captain, did you hear?"

"Yeah, I did. No one more qualified, in my opinion."

"Not even you?" Lily asked, bumping her shoulder against his.

James's stomach twisted. "I'm, uh, not trying out this year."

Lily gaped at him. "What?"

"I'm not trying out this year," he repeated, wincing.

"Why?"

"Training for the circus, wasn't it James?" Remus asked casually over the newspaper.

James smiled in relief, glad that his friends had remembered the plan. "I think so, yeah."

"You told me that you were switching to Hufflepuff, and that you couldn't bear to play against Gryffindor," Peter said, doing a really good job of sounding upset.

"What?" Sirius asked, snorting. "That's ridiculous. James's isn't playing Quidditch because he lost all his Quidditch skills to Moony in a bet, remember?"

"Ahh," the other three Marauders replied in unison, as if remembering now.

"Good times," Remus said, shaking his head and going back to reading his paper.

Lily was still staring at him. "Are you serious? You're not playing Quidditch?"

James nodded. "I'll have to break it to Marlene, the poor girl. She'll have to recruit Moony instead."

Remus snorted. "Good luck with that."

Lily frowned, but decided to drop the subject. "The girls arrived a few minutes ago, I better go join them. I'll see you guys later," she said as she picked up her stuff and stepped over the bench.

"What are we, second best?" James asked of her retreating back.

Lily twisted around to reply, walking backwards. "And don't you forget it Potter," she replied cheekily, before turning back and heading down to where her friends were sitting.

James shook his head, chuckling. When he faced the table again, he found his friends staring at him with various smirks on their faces. "What?" he asked defensively.

"Didn't know you two were such good friends," Remus remarked.

"I'm fairly sure she couldn't stand you," Peter teased.

"I apologised," James shrugged, though his cheeks were turning red. Sirius waggled his eyebrows at James, who threw a piece of toast at him.

"You two looked pretty cosy," Marlene said, eyebrows raised, as Lily swung into her seat next to Dorcas.

"Who? Me?" Lily asked, confused.

"Yes _you_," Mary answered.

"Me and _who_?" Lily wondered. The other four girls stared at her. "What?" she asked.

"You and James," Alice replied finally.

Lily, who had been taking a sip of her tea, nearly choked. Dorcas patted her on the back, almost sympathetically, rather than to stop Lily from choking. "What?" Lily managed to wheeze out.

"We're just calling it how we see it Lils," Mary said, calmly taking a sip of her pumpkin juice.

"Which is _what_?" Lily asked indignant.

"You purposefully got up earlier than usual, said you'd see us down there. I thought that was pretty strange, and then we come down to breakfast to see you in a deep conversation with _James Potter _and laughing it up with the Marauders. So you obviously got up early to talk to him," Marlene said, like it was obvious.

"I got up early to _apologise _to Potter. I gave out to him yesterday for something that wasn't his fault, and I was in the wrong for," Lily explained.

"The fight yesterday?" Alice guessed.

Lily nodded. "Turns out he had been trying to stop the fight, and had been the one to tell the Hufflepuff to get a Prefect. McGonagall gave him 50 points and all."

Marlene whistled. "I heard that Avery might be getting expelled."

Lily nodded again. "He used the Cruciates Curse, or tried to, on Potter and Black."

Alice's face paled. "What a horrible person."

"I really hope he goes," Dorcas agreed, her nose scrunching, "he always creeps me out."

Down the end of the table, Lily saw the Marauders rise from their seats and begin to make their way out of the hall. As they passed, she felt a hand gently tug on the end of a piece of her hair. She whipped around to see James salute her before turning and catching up with his friends.

"Piss off Potter," she called at his retreating back, but there was no malice in her words. In reply, his laughter floated back to her. Lily faced her bowl of porridge again, only to find her friends staring at her. "What?" she asked, feeling self-conscious.

"And _what _was that?" Mary asked, sounding both delighted and scandalised.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Shut up." Her friends were still staring at her with those looks, so she wracked her brain for something to distract them. "Potter said he wasn't trying out for the Quidditch team this year," she said with fake nonchalance.

"What?" Marlene practically exploded. "Why not?"

"I'm not sure," Lily shrugged. "When I asked, Remus said it was because he was training for the circus, Peter said it was because he was moving to Hufflepuff and couldn't bare to play against his old house, and Sirius said it was because he lost all his Quidditch talent to Remus in a bet."

The girls looked confused. "_What_?" Dorcas asked, brow furrowed.

"My thoughts exactly," Lily replied.

"I don't want to say this," Marlene began hesitantly. "But you don't think it's because I got captaincy and he didn't?"

"Nah," Lily shook her head. "He said you were the perfect person for the job. He might be joking, I couldn't really tell."

Marlene looked pleased at the compliment and seemed content to drop the topic for the moment, so the girls finished their breakfast in companionable silence.


	11. In a little bit of time it won't hurt

**Chapter 11**

**In a little bit of time it won't hurt so bad**

_I've got a secret for the mad:_

_In a little bit of time it won't hurt so bad._

_And I get, that I don't get it._

_But you will burn right now,_

_But then you won't regret it._

_**Secret For The Mad, dodie**_

Going back to school was a welcome change for James. Despite claiming to dislike school, he enjoyed it for the most part. Obviously there were parts he didn't like- namely homework- but magic never wore off on him. He always found learning magic to be interesting, with the exception of possibly History of Magic. He like the topic, and found his textbook to be very interesting, but the sound of Professor Binn's droll voice sent him to sleep more often then he would like to admit.

NEWTs were around the corner, as his teachers often reminded him, which meant that the work would be piling on. It wasn't even a month in to school and James felt like he may never see the sun again with the amount of homework he had to do each night.

"Do they not realise that the NEWTs aren't until next year?" Sirius groaned, about an hour and a half into his homework.

James raised bleary eyes from his Transfiguration textbook. "I don't think I'll get around to the potions essay today."

Sirius made a sound at the back of his throat. "That's not due until next week. I wasn't planning on starting it until the day before it's to be in for."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I don't think any of us are surprised by that Padfoot."

"Like you're much better," Sirius scoffed. "You're always leaving your homework until the last minute; teachers just don't think you do because you're a Prefect."

Remus shrugged, keeping his face innocent. "I'm sure I don't _what_ you mean."

With a pronounced sigh Peter, who was also working on Transfiguration, threw his book down. "If I have to read one more sentence about human transfiguration, I will scream."

"I think we deserve a break," Sirius announced. "Think we should get some butterbeers from The Three Broomsticks. Anyone else?"

"I'm game," Remus said immediately.

"Anything to not do this essay," Peter agreed.

They turned to James. "Bring me back a butterbeer, yeah?" he asked with fake nonchalance.

"What?" Sirius asked. "You're not coming?"

"I'm not sure I can," James replied, glancing down at his leg, which had been more sore than usual.

Immediately, Sirius looked guilty. "I wasn't thinking-"

"So nothing new," Remus interrupted.

"I wasn't thinking," Sirius repeated, ignoring Remus. "Nevermind."

James laughed. "Don't be ridiculous. Go on without me. I might actually be able to get some work done without you lot here annoying."

The other three let out an offended "hey!", but James could tell that they were excited at the prospect of going to Hogsmeade.

"Are you sure?" Sirius asked, though he was already half off the Common Room couch.

James made a shooing motion with his hands, and went back to his Transfiguration textbook. He was sitting on the floor in front of the couch, with his essay and quill on the little coffee table in front of the fire. Every so often, he would write a line or two on his essay, before going back to study the book. Finally, he put his quill and the book down, satisfied that he had finished the essay. He had planned on at least starting the potions essay, but he felt way too exhausted to even consider it.

The day's Daily Prophet sat on the table in front of him, so he picked it up and scanned it. His hopes weren't up, but he was still disappointed to find no mention of Diagon Alley reported. His mother had informed him in a letter that morning that they had arrested two more people in relation to the attack, but other than that, hadn't made much gains.

"No mention of Diagon Alley," he muttered, throwing the newspaper onto the table and flopping back against the bottom of the couch.

"What _is_ it with you and Diagon Alley?" a voice from above him asked.

James looked up to find Lily Evans was after plonking herself onto the couch that Sirius had been sitting on and James was leaning against. "Where are the girls Evans?"

"What? Am I not allowed to talk to you for no reason?" she asked teasingly.

"Second best, remember?" he joked back.

Her lips curved up into a grin. "They're up in the dorm; said they couldn't do any more work or they'd collapse."

"The lads are the same," James replied, gesturing to the empty chairs and discarded books.

Lily laughed. "Glad to know I'm not alone." There was a pause. "So what is it about Diagon Alley?"

James hesitated, staring up at her. "I- I'm not sure if I can say."

Lily shrugged. "Alright."

James continued to stare. "You can't say this to anyone," he said finally.

"I won't if you don't want me to," she replied.

James sighed. And waited. But eventually he opened his mouth. "There was an attack at Diagon Alley. The Ministry is kind of forcing everyone to downplay it as a small incident."

"Oh wow. What sort of attack?"

"Death Eaters," James swallowed. "Death Eaters swarmed the main street."

Lily gaped at him; James noticed that that seemed to be happening a lot. She seemed to be constantly surprised by everything he told her. "Did your mom tell you this?" she asked after a moment.

"Uh, no. Sirius, Remus and I were there."

Lily gaped some more. "Merlin." And then "what was it like?" she asked softer.

James swallowed again. "Scary. Exhausting. Surreal. I mean, one second we're eating ice-cream at Florean's, and the next, we're out on the street fighting Death Eaters."

Lily did a double take. "Wait- you _fought _them?"

"Well, yeah," James shrugged, suddenly embarrassed, though he didn't know why.

"I guess, when you said you were there, I just assumed you saw it all happen," Lily explained. "I didn't think you meant that you were _fighting_."

There was a heavy pause, and James took a deep breath. "We were in Florean's, just eating ice-cream, and then we heard a loud noise. We ran out onto the street and followed the noise, and there was just Death Eaters _everywhere_." He looked down at his hands, which were shaking slightly on his lap. "And there were people fighting them, and people running away, and _little kids_-" he broke up, knotting his hands in order to quell the shaking.

"Were many people hurt?" Lily asked quietly, seemingly afraid of the answer.

"17 dead," James replied, still not looking up at her. He heard an intake of breath from Lily, but continued staring at his hands. "And I just wish I could've done _more_."

"Dwelling on those sort of things don't help," Lily said. "As hard as it is to hear, you _can't _go back and do more or change what you did, so there's no point in thinking of the 'what ifs'."

"That's the thing, I _know _that," James said, "but I just think about the Ministry and, and _timeturners_, and..." he trailed off, staring at the fireplace, frowning.

"You did all you can," Lily said firmly. "If the Ministry is going about this in the completely wrong way, that's not you fault, and continuously thinking about it isn't going to help."

James finally looked up at her. "Thanks," he said, with a small smile.

"You're welcome." She paused, before changing topic altogether. "Have you started the potions essay?"

"Nah," James replied, leaning back against the couch. "I finished the Transfig one, but haven't so much as _looked _at potions."

"Want to work on it together?"

"Yeah?" James asked, looking up at her hopefully.

"Yeah," she replied with a smile. "The girls have given up, and I was really hoping to get it started."

"Brilliant," James said, pulling his bag closer to him in order to grab his potions book and more parchment. Lily left the couch to pick her stuff off the table her and the girls had been working on, before coming back to couch and dropping her bag on the ground. Instead of sitting on the couch again, she sat on the floor next to James and arranged her stuff on the coffee table.

They worked in silence for the most part, occasionally asking each other questions, but it was nice to do the work with someone next to you. James got a good chunk of the homework done, which, considering he had been thinking of leaving it to tomorrow, was a good thing.

After a while, the rest of the Marauders stumbled into the Common Room, not drunk on alcohol, but on sneaking out and having fun. The made their way over to the couch, not realising that Lily was sitting next to James.

"Here you go Sir Prongs," Sirius presented the bottle of butterbeer with flourish.

"Thank you kind sir," James replied with equal dramatics.

"Where did you get that?" Lily asked, eyes narrowed.

The other Marauders were too stunned to reply, so it's James that answers. "Ah, a true Marauder never reveals his secrets," he replies, tapping his nose smugly.

"Evans!" Sirius said loudly, getting over his original shock. "You joined us!"

Lily wrinkled her nose. "I joined Potter in doing potions homework," she reminds him. Sirius doesn't look fazed.

"Exactly!" Sirius replied jubilantly.

When Lily looked confused, Remus elaborated. "We're a package deal."

Lily laughed at that. "But seriously, where did you get the butterbeer?"

"There's no fun in knowing," Peter replied with a grin, clearly having fun with knowing.

"Besides, Moony is a prefect as well," James pointed out. "He wouldn't be involved in something that's against the rules."

Lily stared at Remus, who schooled his face into an innocent expression, but his eyes were twinkling too much for it to be plausible."Well," she began slowly, "since I can't prove how you acquired the butterbeer, there's nothing I can do about it. For all I know, you have a butterbeer supply stashed underneath one of your beds."

"That's the spirit Evans," Sirius said, ruffling her hair. She immediately scowled and ran her hand through her hair a few times to fix it.

"How's the homework going?" Peter asked.

"I'm a good way into the essay," James replied, pushing his glasses up onto his head so he could rub at his tired eyes. When he's finished, the glasses fall back onto the end of his nose, so he swiftly pushed them back up the bridge. "What about you Evans?"

"I'm almost finished, I'd say," Lily answered, double checking her essay. "I'll probably head up to bed now, or I'll collapse of exhaustion. I'll see you guys tomorrow, yeah?" she continued, gathering up her stuff and rising from the floor.

"Night," James said, giving her a tired smile. The rest of the Marauders give similar sentiments, and no one really says anything until Lily has gone up the staircase. Then, the group practically explodes with noise.

"Look at you and Evans getting all cosy," Sirius said proudly, grinning like a loon.

James doesn't reply and rubs at his eyes some more.

"Just homework, eh?" Peter asked, his voice full of implication.

"Do you think I'd have this much of the essay done if we'd been doing anything other than homework?" James replied, too tired to be embarrassed by their teasing.

"My little boy is all grown up," Remus said, wiping fake tears from his cheek. James chucked a pillow at him. It hits Remus right in the face, but he doesn't seem to mind much, laughing too hard at James to care.

"I'm going to bed," James grumbled.

"We love you Prongsie," Sirius said in a sing-song voice.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," James replied, packing up his bag. "See you tomorrow." James swung his bag over his shoulder, hauling himself off the floor, using the coffee table for support.

The Marauders were still grinning at him when he paused at the bottom of the stairs to glance back at them. James climbed the staircase slowly, both from fatigue and the pain in his leg. It had been nice though, he remembered with a smile, to talk to Lily without an argument being involved. He dropped his bag on the floor at the end of his bed, before flopping into bed. It was a nuisance to have to drag himself out of bed again in order to change out of his uniform, but when he was ready, he collapsed back into bed, and rested his exhausted eyes.

It had been nice.


	12. The heaviness that I hold in my heart's

**Chapter 12**

**The heaviness that I hold in my heart's been crushing me**

_The heaviness that I hold in my heart belongs to gravity,_

_The heaviness that I hold in my heart's been crushing me._

_I've been worried all my life,_

_A nervous wreck most of the time._

_**Pluto, Sleeping at Last**_

James woke up in a good mood. The morning's routine progressed like normal, which James noted with satisfaction. The Marauders made their way down to breakfast, laughing like they always were. Peter was after putting his jumper on backwards, and his grumbling about it was, like most grumbling, quite funny.

James's leg had gotten worse from yesterday, and despite not telling the others, he knew they knew. It was obvious, if you were looking, in the way that he gripped the stair banisters tightly and used their shoulders as crutches. James didn't bring it up though, so neither did the others. James sighed in relief when they sat down at the usual spot for breakfast, glad to alleviate the weight from his right leg.

He dug into his breakfast with enthusiasm, eager to ignore his leg and capitalise on his good mood. Sirius was telling him the story of sneaking down to Hogsmeade the night before, and how they had somehow ended up in an argument with hag about the best Quidditch team, and the story didn't make much sense, but it had James in stitches, so he didn't really care.

James was still wiping tears from his eyes when the morning post arrived. He got a letter from his mother, which he tore open, wanting to hear good news. The first paragraph in the letter described that Fleamont was doing much better, which made him smile.

That smile quickly disappeared as James continued to read the letter.

_That's all the good news I'm afraid dear. _the letter continued, _I'm really sorry to tell you this, but the little girl's father, the one who you saved, he passed away last night at St. Mungo's. I really am sorry._

James stared at the letter in shock. Sally's dad had died, despite all that he had done. He had still died.

"Prongs, mate. Are you alright?" Sirius asked him, reaching over the table to place a hand on his arm.

"Eighteen dead," James said faintly, throat constricting.

"Sorry?" Remus asked.

"Eighteen dead," James repeated, slightly louder.

From next to Sirius, Peter reached over and grabbed the letter, scanning it quickly. His face fell into a frown, and he showed it to Sirius. Sirius read it quickly, and glanced back at James. "I'm so sorry mate." James nodded, not paying much attention.

"Is there anything we can do?" Remus asked, his hand now on James's shoulder while Sirius clutched at the letter.

James shook his head. "I think I'm going to go for a walk."

"Bring your cane," Sirius replied quietly. James hesitated. "Bring your cane _and _the map," Sirius amended.

"Are you sure you don't want any more breakfast?" Peter asked, concerned.

"I feel a bit nauseated," James admitted. "A walk will do me good." Seeing Sirius about to talk James added "and _yes_, I'll bring my cane."

"The map is in Pete's trunk I think," Remus said as James rose unsteadily from the bench. "You sure you'll be okay?"

"Yeah," James smiled weakly. "I'll see you guys in Transfig, okay?"

"Yeah," Remus replied sadly.

James limped off down the hall, eyes forward, making sure to catch no one's eyes. Climbing back up the stairs were torture on his leg, but he motivated himself by reminding himself what was waiting at the top- his cane. Still, he almost cried with relief when he reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. Once in his dorm, he grabbed his cane and the map from Peter's trunk, using the map to avoid anyone. Luckily, the Common Room was empty, most Gryffindor students either at breakfast at this point, or lazing it out in bed.

Getting down to the front door proved a challenge, but one James was happy to participate in. The map helped him easily dodge people, which led him outside without an incident. It was a cold enough morning, and it was early enough that there were no students by the lake.

James shoved the map into his cloak pocket and leaned heavily on his cane, allowing himself to finally think of the letter his mother had sent him. The man had died, despite James's best attempt; it hadn't been enough. James tried his best to keep his face from crumpling, but it was no use. He didn't cry as often as he probably should, usually able to hold the tears in and gulp them down. But now, alone and standing between the Great Lake and the Forbidden Forest, they fell freely from his eyes.

In some ways it was a relief to get them out. These things had a habit of building up in your chest, and it was cathartic to finally let them out. He cried, not just for the man, but for Sally, and other family she may have, and Sirius, who had been kicked out of his house, and Remus who was dealing with his own issues, and everyone who was at Diagon Alley that day, who had suffered and had to pretend like nothing had happened, because the Ministry didn't know what the _hell _they were doing. James felt like screaming. He contented himself with a quiet whine of frustration, and continued his walk around the lake.

His movements were slow and stiff, but James had always like a walk to clear his head. His first preference, ideally, would've been Quidditch, but since that was out of the question, walking was second choice. Using his cane was a relief, since it took a lot of weight off his bad leg. James wished he was courageous enough to stride into class with his cane, but the thought of his classmates' questions had him panicking. James laughed at himself; a Gryffindor, lacking bravery. But this was a different type of fear, it pushed down on his chest whenever he thought of that day at Diagon Alley, burrowing itself beneath his ribs, sitting on his lungs. James took a deep breath and forced himself to think of other things.

As he neared the school again, James wiped at his eyes beneath his glasses and ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to seem more collected. He had a suspicion his eyes were rimmed red and the tip of his nose was matching in colour. He could get away with blaming the cold weather for his red nose, and hoped his glasses would cover up some of the rawness of his eyes.

James pulled out the map once again, using it to make his way up to the Gryffindor tower without attracting attention. He wondered what was waiting for him when he would reach the Common Room. Would it be empty? Or would there be people there to see his cane? He gave the Fat Lady the password, and almost cried with relief to see the Common Room deserted. He hadn't had the best luck so far, so it seemed only fair that he would be granted a few small miracles. James laughed at that.

He almost ran up the stairs to his dorm; if it weren't for his leg, he probably would've. He grabbed his schoolbag from where it sat next to his bed, swung one strap over his shoulder, left his cane on his bed and went back down the stairs, holding onto the stair rail tightly. He made his way slowly to Transfiguration, careful not to aggravate his leg even further. He slid into his seat just before Professor McGonagall swept into the classroom.

Lily watched as James Potter entered into the Transfiguration classroom mere seconds before McGonagall. He seemed to be dishevelled, even more so than usual, and the Marauders were very happy to see him. It was these three things that had Lily concerned. Usually when one of the Marauders came into class almost late and messy, it meant trouble.

James sat down in his seat in front of Lily, and dropped his bag on the floor beneath the table. There was a lot of whispering from the other three, which raised Lily's suspicions more, but James just waved away their questions. A few minutes later, when Professor McGonagall set them about mastering a spell, the whispers began up again.

"Have you been _crying_?" Peter asked incredulously.

"A little louder Peter," James replied, glancing around the classroom. "I don't think the entire class heard you."

"But _have _you?" Peter repeated, quieter this time.

Lily tried to lean forward without attracting attention to herself. "I don't want to talk about it," was all James mumbled.

"Are you _sure_ you're okay?" Remus asked, attempting the spell.

"Yes. No. I don't know," James said, following suit. There was a moment's break from the whispering as the Marauders all tried the spell McGonagall had been teaching them. "It upset me a lot," James admitted after a bit.

"Anything we can do?" Sirius asked, making sure not to look at James as he said it, so that McGonagall wouldn't suspect they were talking.

"I don't think so. I went on a walk around the lake to clear my head, but there's nothing much else I can do."

"Alright."

With that, no more was said about it. Lily sat back in her seat, frowning. She hadn't noticed that James had been crying, and she had no idea what he could've been crying about. Without context, the Marauders' conversation hadn't made much sense. She shook the thoughts from her head, and went about concentrating on the spell.

James's concentration was shot. Usually Transfiguration was his best subject, but he hadn't been paying attention when McGonagall had been explaining the spell. He continued the class in silence, both his eyes and mind wandering. When the class ended, James packed up his stuff and hauled himself to his feet. He was about to follow the Marauders out when Professor McGonagall called him back.

Minerva McGonagall studied the boy in front of her. His hair was a state, which wasn't unusual, his shoulders were slumped forward and, for the most part, his glasses disguised the ring of red around his eyes. McGonagall had become worried when James had spent the entire class distracted, and she had noticed the concerned glances his friends were shooting him.

"Are you okay James?" she asked after a moment, despite knowing that he wasn't.

James lifted his shoulders in a shrug, eyes glued to the floor in front of his feet. McGonagall didn't say anything, still studying him. After a while, James opened his mouth as if to say something, before closing it again. Professor McGonagall waited patiently.

"I got a letter from my mother this morning," he admitted after a while.

Instantly McGonagall's mind jumped to the worst conclusion. "Are your family okay?"

James waved his hand dismissively, and McGonagall sighed in relief. "When I was in Diagon Alley," James began, as if the words were physically hurting him, "there was this young girl and her father. Two Death Eaters were floating them along in the air and laughing, so I went to help them." James paused to gather his words. "They dropped the man and the girl." McGonagall's mouth opened slightly, and she felt quite nauseated. But James wasn't done. "I caught the girl, but her father landed on the ground. The _sound_-" James stopped talking for a moment, pressing a shaking hand to his mouth and looking as though he was about to throw up, before collecting himself. "After the fight, we got the man to the hospital. My mom wrote to tell me that he passed away in care last night."

Professor McGonagall hesitated for a moment, before bringing a hand up to rest on James's shoulder. "I'm sorry. But you have to remember that despite the upsetting outcome, what you did was very brave. It's always frustrating when you try your hardest and you do your best and it _still _doesn't work out for you, and I want you to know that you did all you can."

"Thank you Professor," James said, finally looking at McGonagall.

McGonagall offered him a small smile, before turning and sorting through the papers on her table. She heard James leave.


	13. Misbehaving for days

**Chapter 13**

**Misbehaving for days**

_Unfair we're not somewhere_

_Misbehaving for days,_

_Great escape,_

_Lost track of time and space._

_**R U Mine?, Arctic Monkeys**_

His friends were waiting outside the Transfiguration classroom for him. "What did McGonagall want?" Sirius asked as they all fell into step with each other.

"She just wanted to know if I'm okay," James replied with a shrug. None of them said anything, walking silently to their Charms classroom. They took their usual seats in the back of the classroom, and listened as Professor Flitwick explained the lesson plan for the day. Charms was the ideal class for talking, especially when they were practising new spells, as Flitwick didn't mind them talking as long as they also did their work.

"Full moon coming up on Hallowe'en," Sirius said quietly.

"Don't remind me," Remus groaned. "It's two months away and just the thought of it is giving me a headache."

The others laughed. "We need to start planning our first prank," Peter reminded them. "We can do the prank around Hallowe'en, so we have something to look forward to then."

"Nothing dangerous," James said. "I think I've had enough of that for the time being. Just something harmless to raise spirits."

"Alright," Sirius conceded, "but it better be good. First prank back, we need to make a good impression."

"So if we don't want it to be dangerous, and we _do _want it to be a laugh, then we have to play it on the whole school, not just the Slytherins," Remus said, before practising the incantation.

"Something in the Great Hall?" Peter suggested.

"It'll have to be at dinner," James pointed out. "People show up at differing times for breakfast, and lunch is always hit or miss."

"It should be something epic," Sirius said.

"If we plan this properly," Remus began with a grin, "and make sure that there is no possible way that someone can get hurt, then we might even get permission from Dumbledore to carry it out."

"D'you reckon?" Sirius asked, face lighting up, "'cause that would be brilliant. We could do the prank and _not _get detention. That'll rub it in the Slytherin's faces, without hurting anyone."

There was a pause in the conversation as the four thought hard.

"What about a spell of sorts on the pumpkin juice that'll turn everyone's hair a bright colour?" James suggested. "It's not dangerous, would be funny, plus, we'd probably get Dumbledore's permission."

The Marauders all looked around at each other, beginning to smile. "Alright boys, after lunch we all have a free period," Sirius began.

"Research in the library?" Remus asked, catching on.

They all grinned.

After lunch, they all regrouped at the library, and claimed their usual desk.

"What kind of thing are we looking for?" Sirius asked. "Like a potion, or a spell?"

"Either or, I guess," James shrugged. "As long as it doesn't have, like, bad side effects," he concluded.

With that, they split off and spread out around the library. James eyed the Restricted Section, but knew he couldn't sneak in during the day, even _with _the invisibility cloak, just in case someone _were _to spot him. But, he promised himself if they found nothing in the regular library, he'd go back the next day.

He turned his back to the Restricted Section, and began searching through the shelves closest to him. This was always his least favourite part about planning pranks. He didn't even mind the research, but it was the 'finding books to then research from' part that he didn't like. He was always worried that he'd miss the book that had the thing they were looking for in it, and then they wouldn't be able to carry out the prank.

Obviously, there were books that had nothing whatsoever to do with the prank they wanted to carry out, but then there were others whose titles _could _maybe have something to do with the prank in them. It always ended up with James bringing back the most books and having the most reading to do, but it gave him some peace of mind.

When he felt he had enough books to begin with, James carried the large stack back to their desk, careful not to drop any. Remus was already there, reading through the contents page. His pile of books was quite a lot smaller than James's, but he didn't seem to bothered by that.

James sat and picked up the book that was top of his stack and opened it out onto the contents page. They had developed a system wherein by they would look at the contents page and if there was anything promising in the _slightest_ then they would put the book in one pile, but if there was nothing, the book would go into a different pile. _Then _the actual researching would start, meaning that they would already have their stacks whittled down.

James scanned through contents page after contents page, with most books going into the 'nothing promising' pile, much to his relief. After about a few hours of _actual _research, James stumbled upon the _exact _spell that was needed.

His face broke out into a grin. "I have it," he said, smiling broadly.

For the first few weeks, school flew more than it should have. Usually when they had a prank planned, the days or weeks (or even months) leading up to it would drag, until they were all driven half _insane_ with the waiting. This time though, time flew. James got stuck into his classes, determined not to fall behind now that they were starting the NEWTs Curriculum. The only bad part, except for maybe homework, was when Marlene McKinnon had approached him the day after Quidditch Try Outs. When James had seen her walk towards him, determined, dread had settled in his stomach. The other Marauders had already made their way to lunch, so he was on his own.

"How come you didn't try out, Potter? Lily said you weren't trying out, but we all thought you might've been messing with her." she asked him, when she had finally reached where he was frozen to the spot. "I'm not trying to make your head any bigger, but there's no doubt that you would've made the team."

"Uh, my parents don't want me playing any more," James lied. "They're worried about me."

"That's bull," Marlene said immediately. "Your parents love quidditch, and they've always supported you."

"After I got the concussion in the second last game last year, you know, the really bad one? Well after that, they didn't want me to keep playing, but I convinced them to let me play the final. But they were adamant that I couldn't play this year," James said.

Marlene stared at him, and he tried not to look away. "Alright," she said finally, "I guess I never would've thought your parents would do something like that."

James winced. He hated lying, especially if it meant painting his parents like the bad guys. "They're only looking out for me," was all he said.

"Alright," Marlene said again. "I'll see you later Potter."

James left out a long breath as he stared at her back, before continuing on towards the Great Hall.

Transfiguration, as always, stayed James's favourite subject. He was _good _at it, which gave him a bit of security. He was _good _at the theory, and the practical came naturally to him, which meant it was one less thing for him to worry about, especially where NEWTs were concerned.

At long last, they were in the run up to the prank. James and Remus decided that they would be the best two to approach Professor Dumbledore about it, since Remus was a prefect and James could explain how they wanted to cheer everyone up, which might get some sympathy from Dumbledore, especially with his leg.

"You're asking my permission to prank the school?" Dumbledore asked, fingers linked under his chin.

"Yes sir," Remus responded.

"And what exactly is it that you want to do?"

"We wanted to charm the pumpkin juice sir," James explained.

"And what would this charmed pumpkin juice do?"

"It would turn people's hair crazy colours," Remus said.

"Really?" Dumbledore asked, with a twinkle in his eye.

"Yes sir," James said eagerly, spotting the twinkle. "It wouldn't be dangerous at all.

We've double checked the side effects and all. They're very unlikely, but even if they _do _occur, they're not dangerous either, and very easy to get rid of."

"Oh?"

"We just want to do something nice, to raise people's spirits" James finished.

"Okay then," Dumbledore said, leaning forward. "You have permission to carry out this small joke." The Marauders looked at each other victoriously. "However," Dumbledore continued, his voice becoming serious, "if it gets out of hand and someone gets injured, you _will _be held responsible." The Marauders all nodded, deciding unanimously that this was fair. Dumbledore smiled.

"Thank you sir," James said, rising out of his chair. Remus followed suit and they left Dumbledore's office with identical smiles of mischief gracing their faces.

"What next?" Remus asked, as they walked down the steps from Dumbledore's office.

"I reckon we should warm Professor McGonagall," James said, glancing back at Remus.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I'd say she'd appreciate the heads up."

They made their way slowly towards McGonagall's office. James's leg hadn't been bothering him that day, but he was still hesitant to push it too much.

"You okay?" Remus asked him, breaking the silence.

"Yeah," James replied, giving him a small smile. "What about you?"

Given that they were getting close to the full moon, Remus was looking pale and tired. "I'm fine. Just looking forward to it being over."

James nodded, but didn't say anything else. He knew that Remus didn't like thinking too much about his 'furry little problem' too close to the full moon. Before they could get to McGonagall's office, they saw her walking down the corridor, away from the office.

"Professor!" James called, raising his voice slightly.

McGonagall turned around and waited for the boys to catch up with her. "What can I do for you?" she asked, once they had drawn level with her.

"We just wanted to tell you that you might not want to drink the pumpkin juice tomorrow at dinner," Remus said, a small smirk working its way onto his face.

"And why not?" Professor McGonagall inquired, looking at them suspiciously.

"The less you know," James replied with a wink, and with identical grins, Remus and James turned around and walked off, McGonagall staring at their backs.

Just before dinner the next day, Sirius snuck down to the kitchens with Peter. The elves had a soft spot for Peter and Sirius had mastered the spell, so it was the obvious choice. When Sirius had finished charming the jugs of pumpkin juice, the two made their way up to the Great Hall, just in time for dinner. As they were taking their seats, the Marauders tried their best not to seem overly giddy.

"We'll have to drink the pumpkin juice ourselves, or people might get suspicious," Remus reminded them. They all took big gulps of the juice, sharing secretive glances as they did.

"How long until it kicks in?" Peter asked anxiously, eyes darting around the great hall.

"Not long now," Sirius muttered back, glancing at the other students.

Less than five seconds later, James hair turned bright pink. He didn't notice at first, but he looked up from his plate to see Sirius laughing at him. He tugged at his hair, trying to see what shade it had turned, a smile stretching across his lips in anticipation. This turned into a wide grin as he caught sight of bright pink and realised his hair had turned a shocking shade of hot pink.

He looked up and saw that Sirius's hair had turned orange, Remus's blue and Peter's purple. The scene around the Great Hall was much the same. Emotions ranged from angry to amused, and James couldn't help but laugh as he looked around the Great Hall.

He locked eyes with Lily Evans, whose own hair had turned green to match her eyes. She wore an amused smile and raised an eyebrow at him, obviously asking if he had been involved. He only shrugged and winked at her, his grin still plastered on his face, before turning back to the boys.


	14. Now I've effed up every little goddamn

**Chapter 14**

**Now I've effed up every little goddamn thing**

_Just give me one fine day of plain sailing weather,_

_And I can eff up anything, anything._

_It was a wonderful life when we were together,_

_And now I've effed up every little every little goddamn thing_

_**Plain Sailing Weather, Frank Turner**_

The rest of the day was amusing, to see the least. Snape, Avery, Mulciber and their groups' hair had all turned horrendous shades of green and brown, like sludge and puke. Some people had managed to turn their hair back, or had gotten a teacher to do it for them. Flitwick had had people lining up to get their hair changed back, which he did happily, while sporting neon yellow hair. He didn't seem in a rush to change his own back, which James couldn't help but smile at. James kept his hair bright pink; it made him laugh every time he caught sight of his reflection.

One of James's least favourite things about the full moon was the waiting. Since they obviously couldn't have any teachers suspicious, and since Madame Pomfrey always accompanied Remus to the Whomping Willow before the moon was out, the other three Marauders always had to wait a few hours before they could slip out and join Remus in the Shrieking Shack.

James was a worrier on the best of days, and the full moon was always tricky for all involved, Remus especially. He often drove Sirius and Peter half-mad with his pacing.

"We should change our hair back," James said. "Just in case it changes our animal fur."

"D'you think it would?" Sirius asked, examining his long orange hair.

"Not _really_," James replied. "But just in case. I mean, if someone caught sight of a bright pink stag wandering the grounds of Hogwarts, it'd raise suspicion."

Sirius snorted at that, obviously imagining the what sort of trouble that would cause. "Alright then, we'll change back."

After that, they fell silent. James picked up his pacing again.

"Mate, you can't still be worried about our hair?" Sirius asked a moment later. "We're back to normal."

But there was a new problem that was occupying his mind. "Do you think Prongs will be effected?" he asked Sirius and Peter in the dorm room, an hour after Remus had left.

"By your injury?" Sirius asked. James nodded in confirmation. "I'm not sure," Sirius said. "I mean, the Healers said that your leg would be worst when you're thinking about the attack, or the war, or whatever. When you're Prongs, your main focus is always Moony, so maybe not?"

"Try transform now," Peter suggested.

"What if someone walked in?" James said.

"We could just pretend it's for a prank, on you, or something," Sirius said.

"Then you might get detention, and we can't afford to get detention tonight."

"Then we won't know until tonight. Transform with us but if it gets too bad, you can come back to the dorm. Peter and I can handle him."

James frowned. "I don't love the idea of leaving you two with Moony on your own." He paused. "But I don't suppose I have a choice, really." He collapsed back onto his bed. "I just... I hate the feeling of being useless. Moony _needs _Prongs, and I don't want to just sit up in the dorm while you two run around with a _werewolf_. I'd spend the whole night worrying."

"I'm going to go for a walk," Sirius announced a moment later.

James sat up. "No getting into trouble," he warned.

Sirius shot him a look. "I'm not _that _thick. I'm just going to clear my head."

"Alright. We'll see you in an hour?" James asked.

"At the latest," Sirius replied, before leaving the dorm and closing the door behind him.

An hour had not yet passed, but James was starting to get antsy. He was always like this in the few hours leading up to the full moon, sure that _something _would go wrong. He knew that Sirius knew how important this was, but Sirius had said an hour 'at the latest' and it was coming up to an hour.

"Should I go look for him?" James asked Peter, who was doing homework on his own bed.

Peter frowned in thought. "On one hand, yes, because we've got to leave soon. But on the other, if he's on his way back now, and sees that you've gone looking for him, he might get annoyed and think you don't trust him." At James's fallen face, he hastily continued. "I'm not saying he will, but it's just a possibility."

"I'll give it five more minutes, just in case. If he's not back after that, I'll have to go get him, or we'll be late."

Peter nodded, satisfied, so James glanced at his watch and flopped back on his bed. The next five minutes were agonisingly slow. Every time James looked at his watch it seemed like only seconds had passed, though James would've swore minutes had. At every creak, James shot up, sure that Sirius was about to walk through the door, only to collapse back on his bed when Sirius didn't appear.

After the five minutes had passed, James opened his trunk and pulled out the map. "I solemnly swear that I am up to good," he said, impatiently watching the map reveal itself. He scanned it, eyes searching for 'Sirius Black'. When James found him, his chest constricted. "Oh Merlin," he said, bolting off the bed, pulling on his shoes and practically sprinting out of the dorm, through the Common Room and out into the corridor.

James ran through corridors and jumped down stairs, ignoring the looks of the students who were making their way to the Common Room. James knew that it was almost time for curfew, so he kept an eye on the map to make sure that he didn't run into any teachers who might turn him around and send him back to his dorm.

He skidded around the corner, and sure enough, there was Sirius talking to Snape. They hadn't noticed him yet, which James was grateful for. He wanted to see where the conversation was going before he stuck his nose in. For all he knew, Sirius might walk away without casting any spells.

"Look Snivellus, I'm not in the mood for detention tonight, how about we leave this for another day?" Sirius said casually, although his body language said otherwise.

"Can't afford to get detention on a full moon?" Snape asked. "I wonder why that is."

Sirius stiffened even more, but didn't react. "Look, is there something you actually want? Or are you just here to make vague threats."

"Not up for a fight?" Snape asked, as if surprised. "Oh that's right, I forgot. Any misdemeanours mean a letter to Potter's parents."

Sirius smiled. "Yes they do."

James couldn't help but grin. What Snape had thought was an insult was actually a reminder to Sirius that he had people who cared about him.

"I don't get how they don't see how much of an arrogant, idiotic imbecile you are. Or maybe that's what they specialise in. They did, after all, raise Potter."

James felt like that was a weak insult at best, but he could also see the way that Sirius bristled. Sirius was loyal to fault. Whatever the Slytherins threw at the Marauders, Sirius was always the one who took it the worst when something was said about Remus, Peter or James.

Personally, James had built up a tolerance. When he was in fourth year, any word against his friends would've resulted in a duel and then a detention for James, but he had learned since then. His parents were getting too old to be getting letters from Professor McGonagall about his behaviour. Besides, it was much more satisfying to see the fallen faces of the Slytherins when their latest 'brilliant' insult didn't provoke so much as a facial expression.

Sirius, on the other hand, hadn't managed to control his temper. He often needed to be reminded by one of the others not to react. James sometimes worried what would happen if one of the Marauders was insulted to Sirius's face when he was on his own; when there was no one around him to calm him down. Whenever this worry reared its head, James told himself to have more faith in Sirius.

And so far, Sirius was doing a marvellous job. He hadn't immediately pulled out his wand, but James knew that Snape had noticed the change in Sirius's posture. Snape knew he had struck a nerve. James debated jumping in now, before Snape had a chance to do any real damage. It was getting awfully close to time to leave, so James decided to pretend he had only just arrived and pull Sirius away as soon as possible.

"Sirius! There you are!" James said, strolling out as casually as he could manage. "It's almost curfew, I was looking for you."

"I was just talking to our friend Snivellus," Sirius said, without taking his eyes off of Snape.

"Oh?" James asked, putting on an air of interest, despite the fact that his inner monologue was telling him that they needed to get out of there as soon as possible. Peter was probably starting to worry, curfew was soon and teachers would start patrolling, and James really didn't want himself or Sirius getting a detention.

"Yeah, he was just insulting your parents actually. And you too, incidentally," Sirius said, with an edge to his voice."

"That's nice," James replied, with a forced sweetness to his voice, "but we really have to go. I don't want to be caught out of bed after hours."

"Then why don't you leave and Black and I can finish up our conversation?" Snape suggested. "I was about to ask him what he did to finally get kicked out."

"Maybe another time," James said, tugging on Sirius's arm.

They started walking away when Snape called after them. "I'll have to ask Reg so, next time we go to Hogsmeade together. Last time, he went with Mulciber, Nott, Avery and myself and we had such a good time.

James felt Sirius stiffen beside him. "Keep walking," James muttered, not turning back to look at Snape and forcing himself to keep looking straight ahead. James kept moving, and once he felt they were a safe distance away, he started talking, still looking dead ahead.

"I'm proud of you Sirius, for not rising to the bait." Sirius didn't say anything. "I know you think I should trust you more to handle yourself, but it's not _you _I don't trust. It's them." James glanced over at Sirius, only to see that he wasn't there. James felt his stomach bottom out. "Oh Merlin," he cursed, before sprinting back.

As he neared the spot where Snape and Sirius had been arguing, he could hear Sirius's raised voice. "Well if you're so sure of yourself, why don't you pay him a visit, hmm? The Whomping Willow has a special off switch."

James tore around the corner, only to see Snape's hastily retreating back Sirius standing there, panting. "What the hell is an off switch?" he said, putting as much anger in his voice as he could.

"It's a muggle device," Sirius muttered, not looking James in the eye.

James's heart thudded in his chest. "So you just _told _him about the Whomping Willow? Do you have any idea what you've just done."

Sirius curled his lip. "He had it coming. What he was saying about you and Reg-"

"I don't care about what he said." James was distantly aware that he was shouting, but the roaring of blood in his ears made it hard to tell. "What if he dies?"

"I told you- he deserves it."

"And if he dies," James said. "Who do you think will have killed him?"

Sirius froze. "Remus," he whispered.

James was heaving now. "For someone so smart, you can be _really _thick sometime."

"Oh Merlin," Sirius's voice came out in a whisper. "I didn't think-"

"No, of course you didn't. And I was just saying how proud I was of you for not rising to it and then you go and do _this_."

Sirius stared down at his hands.

"I've got to go," James said, turning his back.


	15. I'm not getting out of here this time

**Chapter 15**

**I'm not getting out of here this time**

_I push and you tend to shove;_

_I give in and you don't give up;_

_I'm not getting out of here this time-_

_I brought a lemon to a knife fight._

_**Lemon to a Knife Fight, The Wombats**_

James ran down the corridor, ignoring Sirius's shouts of "where are you going?"

He sprinted down the halls of Hogwarts, desperately trying to stop Snape before he made an awful decision and got himself killed. He could just tell that his leg would be screaming in the morning. Maybe it was screaming now; there was too much adrenaline to tell.

The walls of Hogwarts became a blur as James streaked down corridors and slid around corners. He knew of a few shortcuts down to the main doors, and he used them to his advantage, his brain already mapping out the quickest route to doors. He had lost time while giving out to Sirius, and if Snape knew of any shortcuts, he might've already made it down to the Whomping Willow.

There was so much running through his head as he navigated the corridors and staircases of Hogwarts: possible scenarios for what would happen when he got down to the Whomping Willow; the look on Remus's face when he would find out what had happened; the pain that James would feel in his leg tomorrow; what might happen to Sirius when Professor Dumbledore finds out; what might happen to Snape if James doesn't make it on time.

And strangely, at the same time, there was nothing going through James's head.

By the time he pulled open the front doors, Snape had already made his way down to the Whomping Willow. James felt like his entire body had stopped in fear as he saw the shadowy outline of Snape slip between the branches of the frozen tree and disappear. It was the willow moving again that spurred James into action as he began sprinting towards the willow.

The stick that Snape had used to press the knot of the tree was lying in the grass. Quickly, James picked it up and went to press the knot of the tree, but jumped back as a branch went flying in his direction. He tried it again and had almost reached the knot when another branch came out of no where and slammed into his stomach. He dropped to his knees, coughing and then flattened himself against the ground when another branch came swinging.

He was made to roll over as a branch struck the ground where he had been only seconds before. James forced himself to keep going, using all his quidditch skills to keep himself from getting hurt. James wished that he had Peter with him. Peter could transform into Wormtail and freeze the tree in an instance; Peter could run and tell Professor Dumbledore.

James shook the thought away. It was too late now to go back for Peter; Snape could be about to confront Moony as he lay on the grass. With that thought in mind, James lunged with the stick in hand and managed to press the knot, effectively freezing the tree. He sighed in relief, before quickly scurrying down the tunnel. He made his way to the bottom of the staircase and saw Snape at the top, his hand just about to clutch the handle of the door which led to Moony.

The Shrieking Shack was filthy and covered in dust. The floor was just dirt. The sparse furniture was broken and moth-eaten. A chair in the corner of the hallway had one of its legs ripped off. The shack was so familiar to James, but it looked both the same and different at the same time. Like a warped version of the Shrieking Shack, and James couldn't help but wonder if he had dozed off while waiting for Sirius and was currently in a nightmare. Maybe it only looked so different because of the pounding of his heart, or because the blood pumping through his veins had brought too much oxygen to his head and now he was hallucinating. Maybe the sight of Severus Snape in the Shrieking Shack had messed with his brain, because his brain knew that Snape should never be allowed anywhere _near _the shack.

James gripped the newel of the old staircase, dizzy and in pain. The balusters groaned under the pressure, tilting slightly away from the stairs. "Snape," he hissed, trying his best to make sure that the werewolf didn't hear him.

Snape whipped around at the mention of his name. "Potter," he replied with disgust. "You're not going to stop me. I'm going to prove once and for all that Lupin is a dirty half-breed. I've always known it, and now I can prove it once and for all. And maybe Lily will finally see that I was right all along and stop hanging out with blood traitors and half-breeds. And what will happen to Professor Dumbledore when the whole school finds out that he has been endangering them by keeping a werewolf in their midsts? And what about when the students write home to their parents? Or if the Daily Prophet were to find out? It would be the end of Professor Dumbledore's career as we know it." Snape grinned. "The way I see it, it's a win-win-win situation for me. Lupin will probably get expelled, Professor Dumbledore will definitely get sacked and I get Lily back."

"Snape," James warned, "if you open that door, there is a very good chance you're going to get yourself killed."

"Are you threatening me?" Snape asked, a dangerous edge in his voice.

"No, I'm _warning _you. You and I both know what's behind that door. He will not spare you. He's not Remus. What he'll do to you, it's not his fault. Please don't go through with this."

For a second, Snape looked swayed and something akin to hope swelled in James's chest, before it was popped a few seconds later.

"Since when have you cared about my safety?" Snape spat out, before turning and pointing his wand at the door handle. "Alohamora," he said quickly, before twisting the door handle.

Both James and Snape froze, Snape staring at the creature in front of him. James came to his senses and rushed up the rickety stairs, holding onto the bannister when his knee started giving out. When he reached the top, he pushed Snape behind him. The werewolf had already spotted Snape and had been advancing on him, meaning that James took the attack instead. The werewolf's claws slashed along James chest, the pain instantaneous.

James stumbled back, before surging forward to close the door again. The werewolf realised what he was doing and went to stop him. James tried desperately to ignore the pain and the pounding of his heart. James and the werewolf struggled for the door. The werewolf was stronger, and James was growing weaker. The adrenaline he once had seemed to bleeding out with the blood pouring from the cuts in his chest. In one last ditch effort, James pulled the door as hard as he could and managed to close the door on the werewolf. The force of it made him trip back, almost falling down the stairs. James just about managed to grip the stairs rail, the balusters tilting even further under James's weight. James put a locking spell on the door and straightened himself up.

Snape had already disappeared back down the stairs, so James followed suit. He knew he had to get to the Hospital Wing before he bled out in the Shrieking Shack. James staggered down the stairs, clutching the bannister so hard it was hurting his hand. Climbing back up the tunnel was difficult as well, and James found himself grabbing onto the walls of the tunnel to try and keep himself steady. Finally, James saw Snape at the top of the tunnel. Snape had just hit the knot of the tree and was slipping out between the branches. As quick as he could manage in his injured state, James followed suit, eager to make it out before the tree unfroze, lest he got hit again. Both James and Snape escaped the reach of the Whomping Willow, James's breathing laboured.

Unable to go on, James collapsed on the floor, shirt soaked in his own blood and face pale and flooded with his tears. "Snape," he called out, his voice croaky and weak. "Snape," he tried again, his force a small bit stronger this time. Though it was dark, he could see Snape's silhouette turn and look at him, before turning back and heading up to the castle, leaving James lying on the grass.

As much as James just wanted to pass out in the grass, he knew he couldn't be found outside the entrance to the Shrieking Shack. He also knew that he was dangerously close to losing consciousness if he didn't haul himself to the Hospital Wing in time.

Somehow, he made it to the Hospital Wing, collapsing on the floor in front of Madame Pomfrey. He distantly heard the nurse scream, but James wasn't really sure what was real anymore. He felt hands carry him, before he was placed down on something soft and comfortable, and then he passed out.

When he came to, Madame Pomfrey was pouring something into a cup on his bedside table, tutting quietly. She glanced at him. "You're awake. Good."

"What happened?" James asked groggily, raising a hand to press it against his chest, which was throbbing weirdly.

"You tell me. You come in here covered in your own blood and collapsed in front of the sign-in desk, nearly gave me a heart attack."

"Remus-" James started, before shutting his mouth.

"Mr. Lupin is perfectly fine Mr. Potter. He's asleep in a bed near to you, and I'd prefer if you didn't wake him. Besides, it's you I'm more worried about. Professor Dumbledore said-" she pressed her lips together. "Well, Professor Dumbledore said that you saved Mr. Snape from being attack by a werewolf. I assume that's where you got injured?"

James winced. "Do you think anything will happen to me? Am I a werewolf?"

"You weren't bitten, so you are not a werewolf. You might take a certain liking towards rare meat," she told him.

"I'm a vegetarian," he informed her, thinking about his animagus form. Stags didn't eat meat, and ever since James had become an animagus, he had lost any appetite for meat.

"Then you might be lucky Mr. Potter- you might not get any symptoms of a werewolf. You might be perfectly normal. Merlin knows you deserve a break after what that Death Eater did to your leg," she said, muttering the last bit to herself. She took in James's shocked face. "Professor Dumledore told me. Said it was necessary I know, in case you were in a lot of pain and wanted to come to me for help."

James smiled, before it faltered. "So what about my chest?"

"I'm afraid you're in the wars Mr. Potter. You have another two scars to join the three on your leg."

James collapsed against the bed. He was so tired and felt like he just wanted to cry. Then he thought of something and bolted straight up. "Can you not tell Remus about this?" he asked, ignoring the sharp pain that shot through his chest. "He already think he's a monster, and his biggest fear is that he'll hurt someone. Please?"

Madame Pomfrey pursed her lips. "I suppose I can do that."

James sighed in relief, but before he could thank her, a second year burst into the Hospital Wing. "Madame Pomfrey, Professor Dumbledore wants James Potter to go to his office."

"Tell Professor Dumbledore that Mr. Potter is in my care and that I'll release him when I see fit."

"Professor Dumbledore said it was urgent," the second year said, biting his lip.

"Oh alright then, I'll send Mr. Potter up. Although, Merlin knows what Professor Dumbledore would say if I told him how to run a school," Madame Pomfrey tutted and shook her head, and the second year escaped gratefully.

James swung his legs over the bed carefully, and as soon as he stood up, he realised how much his leg was burning. He grabbed onto the end of the bed for support. "Thank you Madame Pomfrey."

"Come back to me as soon as you're finished with Professor Dumbledore," she told him. "I can't help with your leg, but I can give you something for your chest pains, and I want to keep you in for observation."

"Thank you," James said again, before slowly making his way from the Hospital Wing towards Professor Dumbledore's office.


End file.
